Definitions by Heisenbeast - Lord of Hounds
A-S-A-P-T-S-D
A subset of the psychological diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (P.T.S.D.) caused specifically by corporate culture’s unrelenting need for every fucking thing to be delivered “as soon as possible” (A.S.A.P.), without any fucking regard to what is reasonable, thus creating a withering climate of perpetual panic & psychological breakdown.
VP Marketing: “Where the fuck are my product renders.”
Art director: “Dave is working on that. He is on no sleep & his 7th coffee this morning. We are on it.”
VP Marketing: “I asked for them two days ago & I present in Paris in Wednesday. I NEED those hero shots now!”
Art Director: “I understand, & you will get them today. Phil needed the packaging colors addressed & bumped the renders - sorry.”
VP Marketing: “I don’t care about packaging. Let me talk to Dave. If you can’t manage your team, I will.”
Art Director: “Dude - Dave is this close to serious A-S-A-P-T-S-D, and is threatening to quit. Let me handle this.”
Art director: “Dave is working on that. He is on no sleep & his 7th coffee this morning. We are on it.”
VP Marketing: “I asked for them two days ago & I present in Paris in Wednesday. I NEED those hero shots now!”
Art Director: “I understand, & you will get them today. Phil needed the packaging colors addressed & bumped the renders - sorry.”
VP Marketing: “I don’t care about packaging. Let me talk to Dave. If you can’t manage your team, I will.”
Art Director: “Dude - Dave is this close to serious A-S-A-P-T-S-D, and is threatening to quit. Let me handle this.”
A-S-A-P-T-S-D by Heisenbeast - Lord of Hounds March 29, 2019
Muel
Verb: To spend years investigating something yet end up having no opinion about it.
(Note: one who muels is known as a Mueller
(Note: one who muels is known as a Mueller
Muel by Heisenbeast - Lord of Hounds March 24, 2019
Win-Challenged
Teacher: “Where is Nick?”
Nick’s Sister: “He missed the bus this morning.”
Teacher: “That gut-bucket probably spent twenty minutes just trying to tie his shoe laces. What a win-challenged excuse for lumpy lard that kid is."
Nick’s Sister: “He missed the bus this morning.”
Teacher: “That gut-bucket probably spent twenty minutes just trying to tie his shoe laces. What a win-challenged excuse for lumpy lard that kid is."
Win-Challenged by Heisenbeast - Lord of Hounds March 22, 2019
Loserphone
A covert & ingenious way to label the Sousaphone player of a marching-band as a loser, by pretending to accidentally mispronounce the ridiculous instrument he has to carry.
Marching-band spectator #1: “Oh, god, here they come.”
Marching-band spectator #2: “Drummers #killingit, cheerleaders #SoHot. Who’s that on Loserphone, sorry, I mean Sousaphone?”
Marching-band spectator #1: “Nick.”
Marching-band spectator #2: “Figures.”
Marching-band spectator #2: “Drummers #killingit, cheerleaders #SoHot. Who’s that on Loserphone, sorry, I mean Sousaphone?”
Marching-band spectator #1: “Nick.”
Marching-band spectator #2: “Figures.”
Loserphone by Heisenbeast - Lord of Hounds March 22, 2019
frunk
Friend: "Why did you tell him his girlfriend was sleeping with Sam"
You: "Honestly is the best policy. If thats a crime, lock me up, bro."
Friend: "You don't have to go out of your way, though. Seriously."
You: "He was being an arrogant asshole. I was frunk with him."
You: "Honestly is the best policy. If thats a crime, lock me up, bro."
Friend: "You don't have to go out of your way, though. Seriously."
You: "He was being an arrogant asshole. I was frunk with him."
frunk by Heisenbeast - Lord of Hounds March 7, 2019
Monger-monger
A Professional Agent, Manager, Representative or Talent Scout of -mongers, such as Fish-mongers, Iron-mongers and War-mongers.
(It should be noted that the organizer of industry events specifically for the Monger-monger community is called a Monger-monger-monger.)
(It should be noted that the organizer of industry events specifically for the Monger-monger community is called a Monger-monger-monger.)
Bill the Fish-monger: “Hi Brian, does Dave represent you, too?”
Brian the Iron-monger: “Hi Bill, yes he does. Dave is the best Monger-monger in town.”
Barry the War-monger: “I will fight you both… if Dave thinks that’s the right next move for me.”
Brian the Iron-monger: “Hi Bill, yes he does. Dave is the best Monger-monger in town.”
Barry the War-monger: “I will fight you both… if Dave thinks that’s the right next move for me.”
Monger-monger by Heisenbeast - Lord of Hounds February 15, 2019
Youmidity
The measure of moisture in you - used as a metric to determine how much you want it. High youmidity means that you are hot, moist, sticky or wet - indicating you want it really bad - and low youmidity means you are cold and dry - indicating you lack empathy and need to relax.
Booty Caller: “Hi honey-bun, I’m sorry I haven’t called in a while. I’ve been super busy with work. I miss you. How’s the weather where you are?”
Booty Callee: “High youmidity, babe. How quickly can you get here?”
Booty Callee: “High youmidity, babe. How quickly can you get here?”
Youmidity by Heisenbeast - Lord of Hounds February 14, 2019