9 definitions by Heisenbeast - Lord of Hounds

A subset of the psychological diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (P.T.S.D.) caused specifically by corporate culture’s unrelenting need for every fucking thing to be delivered “as soon as possible” (A.S.A.P.), without any fucking regard to what is reasonable, thus creating a withering climate of perpetual panic & psychological breakdown.
VP Marketing: “Where the fuck are my product renders.”
Art director: “Dave is working on that. He is on no sleep & his 7th coffee this morning. We are on it.”
VP Marketing: “I asked for them two days ago & I present in Paris in Wednesday. I NEED those hero shots now!”

Art Director: “I understand, & you will get them today. Phil needed the packaging colors addressed & bumped the renders - sorry.”
VP Marketing: “I don’t care about packaging. Let me talk to Dave. If you can’t manage your team, I will.”
Art Director: “Dude - Dave is this close to serious A-S-A-P-T-S-D, and is threatening to quit. Let me handle this.”
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Strategy. When offered two or more reasonable and practical approaches to a challenge, “Lombard’s Way” would be to strategically choose a third, unreasonable or impractical response. (Orig. from J. M. Lombard’s seminal work: Spear warfare in the age of tanks”)
Wing Man: “Dude, she is totally checking you out.”
Alpha Male: “What are my options?”
Wing Man: “I see two good approaches; 1) smile at her and introduce your self, or 2) ask her if you can buy her and her friends a drink. Both are strong.”
Alpha Male: “Excellent, and agreed. But I think I will kiss you instead for about 15 seconds.”
Wing Man: “Sweet strategy. Textbook use of Lombard’s Way.”
by Heisenbeast - Lord of Hounds February 13, 2019
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A covert & ingenious way to label the Sousaphone player of a marching-band as a loser, by pretending to accidentally mispronounce the ridiculous instrument he has to carry.
Marching-band spectator #1: “Oh, god, here they come.”
Marching-band spectator #2: “Drummers #killingit, cheerleaders #SoHot. Who’s that on Loserphone, sorry, I mean Sousaphone?”
Marching-band spectator #1: “Nick.”
Marching-band spectator #2: “Figures.”
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A Professional Agent, Manager, Representative or Talent Scout of -mongers, such as Fish-mongers, Iron-mongers and War-mongers.

(It should be noted that the organizer of industry events specifically for the Monger-monger community is called a Monger-monger-monger.)
Bill the Fish-monger: “Hi Brian, does Dave represent you, too?”
Brian the Iron-monger: “Hi Bill, yes he does. Dave is the best Monger-monger in town.”
Barry the War-monger: “I will fight you both… if Dave thinks that’s the right next move for me.”
by Heisenbeast - Lord of Hounds February 15, 2019
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Verb: To spend years investigating something yet end up having no opinion about it.

(Note: one who muels is known as a Mueller
Attorney General: "I would like you to muel over the evidence."
Mueller: "On it.
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Friend: "Why did you tell him his girlfriend was sleeping with Sam"
You: "Honestly is the best policy. If thats a crime, lock me up, bro."
Friend: "You don't have to go out of your way, though. Seriously."
You: "He was being an arrogant asshole. I was frunk with him."
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One who buys, sells, or partakes in the production and manufacture of fur goods such as coats, hats etc.
Dave: "Nice Mink coat, bitch!"
Sally: "Dave, be nice."
Dave: Shut up, Mom. How would you like it if I killed your precious Pomeranian and used her fur to make an adorable bag to keep my ballsack warm."
Sally: "Firstly, SHE is a HE, and secondly, he is a Terrier, not a Pomeranian."
Dave: "and YOU... are a furderer."
by Heisenbeast - Lord of Hounds February 12, 2019
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