Definitions by Grant Rampus
Door hesitation
That critical moment of moral dilemma when you need to decide to hold the door open for somebody who is trailing behind you...or let it go. Generally resolved if you think they saw you looking at them - so you don't look like a complete asshole letting the door close on them. Problem can be compounded if the person running for the door is a hot chick but she's miles away and you look like a fucking doorman holding it for 3 minutes until she reaches the door.
Brad held up his lunch group heading to the cafe because he decided he needed to hold the door for Jenny, the hot chick from HR, that was headed her way. Brad was suffering from door hesitation.
Door hesitation by Grant Rampus August 12, 2016
Stoplight rage
The indescribable frustration felt waiting an eternity for the stop light to turn green at an intersection. Further exacerbated by thinking your light is changing and you start to go, only to be still red and the other lane starts turning. And you feel like an asshole sitting partially out in the intersection with a 40% chance of being T-boned.
Stoplight rage by Grant Rampus August 8, 2016
Nice blinker, asshole
A common Boston saying when driving, since no one in the city uses a blinker. This rude, yet common, driving behavior transcends all ages and gender.
Nice blinker, asshole by Grant Rampus August 2, 2016
Sell the dream, live the nightmare
The mantra of every salesperson alive, they promise the client unachievable results if they just sign on the line. Once the dream is sold, the operations team then needs to unravel the web of deceit sold and "recalibrate" the client's expectations (i.e., the nightmare).
Todd: " How did we lose our biggest client last week?"
Tyler: "It seems once they talked with Operations they realized there was no way they could make that deadline. Another classic example of 'sell the dream, live the nightmare."
Tyler: "It seems once they talked with Operations they realized there was no way they could make that deadline. Another classic example of 'sell the dream, live the nightmare."
Sell the dream, live the nightmare by Grant Rampus July 31, 2016
Divorce diet
The unintended weight loss that occurs from going through a divorce. Possibly nature's way of removing 15 years of being a sloth to get you ready for dating again. Don't throw the old clothes out yet; all lost weight comes back once settled down after the rebound relationship.
Holy shit, Monica is looking hot! She must be hitting the gym after Todd left her.
Nah, she's on the divorce diet. Enjoy the view before she gets remarried.
Nah, she's on the divorce diet. Enjoy the view before she gets remarried.
Divorce diet by Grant Rampus July 28, 2016
Divorried
That post-divorce phase where you're past all the bullshit of child support, new spouses, etc. and can stand your ex-spouse again.
I was surprised to see Bill actually talking to Susan in her driveway when he was picking the kids up for the weekend.
That's because Bill and Susan are divorried now.
That's because Bill and Susan are divorried now.
Divorried by Grant Rampus July 24, 2016
iPad elbow
A medical condition of the affluent, mainly incurred by having your arms at a 90 degree angle while holding your iPad in bed for a prolonged period of time. Problem exacerbated when trying to hold the iPad with one hand and jacking off with the other.
iPad elbow by Grant Rampus July 14, 2016