Gnostic1's definitions

litter boxing

n. Manly street term for beach volleyball, which is a fluff "sport" played in an inordinately large sand pit.

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Whoa, six o'clock! We totally have to scoot if we are going to catch the boxing.

Cage fighting! I love that: crushed lips and death grips!

Actually I meant the litter boxing.

Ah, well, that can be good too. Let me just get a book first.

by gnostic1 August 5, 2012

penguin's life

n. any lifestyle consisting of existence in a bleak setting surrounded by identical people, houses, jobs etc.

Hey, are you going to apply for the associate dough stirrer position when Doug finally succombs to starchy pulmonary granulomatosis?

No way! The penguin's life is not for me. I'm gonna open a bong repair shop in Malibu and surf, surf, surf.

Don't forget to buy a black and white tuxedo wet suit.

by gnostic1 January 3, 2011

Alder Flats

place. Gritty town left beside the road on the way to prosperity. Founded in 1892 by independent spirits who were not interested in the progressive ways of the people in Rimbey.

Home of the Fighting Badgers, the tri-province soccer champs three years running (1899,1900 and 1901), and twice voted "Hamlet of the Decade" by a local pamphlet company, Alder Flats is poised to leap into the twentieth century.

I had a dream last night. Alder Flats was a rainbow and Rocky Mountain House was a scorpion chasing its tail. Aerosmith music was playing. There were rocks in the road. A lot of rocks.

by gnostic1 July 1, 2012

occupation

v. The process of moving an idealistic group into a previously well-maintained public square or park; also the movement of any unwanted group onto any desirable property or personal space.
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When is this occupation of North America by the Europeans going to end? I have some plans for lower Manhattan island that I'd like to get to.
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Hey! Some random family is occupying our "slacker" table in the food court.

by gnostic1 November 24, 2011

stretch market

n. fictional place where women obtain stretch marks; caution should be employed when using word around pregnant people.

Check out Rebecca. Methinks she's been spending a lot of time at that new stretch market.

What'd I hear you say? You come back here! You hear!

by gnostic1 July 24, 2011

bonspiel

n. "sporting" activity in which marginally inebriated Canadians curl large lumps of granite down a frozen carpet of ice in order to obtain a "hammer" which, I believe, is the metric equivalent of a "fifth" of rye. Oddly enough a "fifth", in curling, is a player too incompetent to play well. Brooms are used to clear debris off the ice and roller blades can be worn for decreased traction but aren't compulsory.

Originally the game was played on Scotland's lakes by English soldiers with frozen lumps of haggis.
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Dude! I feel like a bonspiel tonight! Let's totally whip some stones into the hack and try to knock out some inturns with a double raise!

Listen to yourself. You've only been curling for a month and already you sound like a Canadian stoner.

Hurry hard!

by gnostic1 September 12, 2011

moisturizer

n. Storm large enough to flood one's basement, innundate the streets etc. Useful as a general term since it eliminates the need to specify hurricane, tidal wave, typhoon etc.

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Better take everything out of your basement and move your car to higher ground. There's going to be a moisturizer tomorrow.

Oh, I don't know. I think I'll just leave everything where it is and see what happens.

by gnostic1 November 9, 2012