68 definitions by George McBob
Zombicide is the art of... well, not killing, but destroying zombies.
Zombicide is an important life skill, because zombie infestations have become increasingly common in the last few decades, and all indications are that the zombie holocaust is coming soon, possibly within your lifetime. Since the disbanding of the Knights Templar, there is no dedicated zombicidal society to protect us, and an outbreak on the scale of the Carpathian outbreak of 1143 or the Abyssinian outbreak of 492 BC would become global.
In order to be prepared, we should all learn at least basic outdoor survival, sailing (since zombies can't swim or operate a boat) and horse riding skills (horses will be the only viable means of transport when civilisation collapses). Also, basic knowledge of zombie physiology is required, so one should learn about zombie strengths and weaknesses, unlife cycles, habitat and behaviour.
Essential supplies for successfully surviving the zombie apocalypse are: first aid kit, shotgun and at least 5000 rounds of ammo, a katana or machete, plenty of flammable liquids, body armour, especially a helmet to protect your braaaains, tinned, dried or other kinds of long-lasting high-protein food, and clean drinking water.
Commercial zombicide products are also available. The Zombivac vaccine contains enzymes and antibodies to protect against Solanum, Rage and 23 other common strains of the zombie virus. You should keep at least 5 years supply for your whole family in your first aid kit (NB: Zombivac only protects you from flesh bites. Having your braaaaains eaten will still result in infection.) Zom-b-Gone spray is effective in repelling zombies from your home, but will not stop them once they catch your scent. The Zombie Knife from Advanced Survival Tools is useful and portable, but not as good as destroying a zombie's braaaaaains as a katana or sledgehammer. Zombotox water purifying tablets will remove any infectious material from water supplies.
But the most important principle of zombicide is to always be prepared. They do exist, and one day they will come for you.
Zombicide is an important life skill, because zombie infestations have become increasingly common in the last few decades, and all indications are that the zombie holocaust is coming soon, possibly within your lifetime. Since the disbanding of the Knights Templar, there is no dedicated zombicidal society to protect us, and an outbreak on the scale of the Carpathian outbreak of 1143 or the Abyssinian outbreak of 492 BC would become global.
In order to be prepared, we should all learn at least basic outdoor survival, sailing (since zombies can't swim or operate a boat) and horse riding skills (horses will be the only viable means of transport when civilisation collapses). Also, basic knowledge of zombie physiology is required, so one should learn about zombie strengths and weaknesses, unlife cycles, habitat and behaviour.
Essential supplies for successfully surviving the zombie apocalypse are: first aid kit, shotgun and at least 5000 rounds of ammo, a katana or machete, plenty of flammable liquids, body armour, especially a helmet to protect your braaaains, tinned, dried or other kinds of long-lasting high-protein food, and clean drinking water.
Commercial zombicide products are also available. The Zombivac vaccine contains enzymes and antibodies to protect against Solanum, Rage and 23 other common strains of the zombie virus. You should keep at least 5 years supply for your whole family in your first aid kit (NB: Zombivac only protects you from flesh bites. Having your braaaaains eaten will still result in infection.) Zom-b-Gone spray is effective in repelling zombies from your home, but will not stop them once they catch your scent. The Zombie Knife from Advanced Survival Tools is useful and portable, but not as good as destroying a zombie's braaaaaains as a katana or sledgehammer. Zombotox water purifying tablets will remove any infectious material from water supplies.
But the most important principle of zombicide is to always be prepared. They do exist, and one day they will come for you.
by George McBob May 21, 2009
Johannesburg. Coolest city in the world.
It is the most dangerous city outside of a war zone. It has the friendliest people in the world. It can both take away and restore your faith in humanity on the same day.
The Northern Suburbs are so green that they're one of the largest artificial forests in the world (just drive north on the M1 past the St.Andrews street bridge, and all you see is trees to the horizon, with a few buildings sticking out at Sandton, Rosebank and Randburg).
In Joburg the traffic cops take cheques and the minibus taxis and nightclub bouncers are run by the mafia.
Beggars at the traffic lights earn more than doctors and roadside hawkers actually go onto the highway in rush hour. The streets change names 3 times a year and the baggage handlers at the airport are more likely to open your bag and replace your digital camera with a kilo of cocaine than not.
Every second street is closed for roadworks and the Gautrain (due to be completed in 2011, but will probably only be ready in 2014) will be Africa's first subway.
A major landmark is a huge soccer-ball shaped balloon tethered to the ground, with a restaurant on it, right next to a shopping centre that looks like a medieval Italian town.
Even your guard dogs, security guards and the police are not safe from the criminals, and Kyalami is the biggest equestrian suburb in the world.
Edenvale is Chinese, Bruma is Lebanese, Cyrildene is Jewish, Kempton Park is Russian, Hillbrow is Nigerian.
There are more goldmines than in any other city on Earth, and the central train station is the world's largest inland container terminal.
Melville, Rivonia, Fourways and Parkhurst are THE places go at night, but only if you don't mind waking up naked in a dumpster with a silly hat and a new tattoo.
All the cellphone towers are disguised as trees, but the tallest building in the city is a radio tower with a billboard and office on it.
It a first-world city in a third-world continent, and despite everything the corrupt, bigoted thieving lying brain-dead government can do to turn South Africa into a banana republic African shithole, Joburg just keeps growing and growing.
It is the most dangerous city outside of a war zone. It has the friendliest people in the world. It can both take away and restore your faith in humanity on the same day.
The Northern Suburbs are so green that they're one of the largest artificial forests in the world (just drive north on the M1 past the St.Andrews street bridge, and all you see is trees to the horizon, with a few buildings sticking out at Sandton, Rosebank and Randburg).
In Joburg the traffic cops take cheques and the minibus taxis and nightclub bouncers are run by the mafia.
Beggars at the traffic lights earn more than doctors and roadside hawkers actually go onto the highway in rush hour. The streets change names 3 times a year and the baggage handlers at the airport are more likely to open your bag and replace your digital camera with a kilo of cocaine than not.
Every second street is closed for roadworks and the Gautrain (due to be completed in 2011, but will probably only be ready in 2014) will be Africa's first subway.
A major landmark is a huge soccer-ball shaped balloon tethered to the ground, with a restaurant on it, right next to a shopping centre that looks like a medieval Italian town.
Even your guard dogs, security guards and the police are not safe from the criminals, and Kyalami is the biggest equestrian suburb in the world.
Edenvale is Chinese, Bruma is Lebanese, Cyrildene is Jewish, Kempton Park is Russian, Hillbrow is Nigerian.
There are more goldmines than in any other city on Earth, and the central train station is the world's largest inland container terminal.
Melville, Rivonia, Fourways and Parkhurst are THE places go at night, but only if you don't mind waking up naked in a dumpster with a silly hat and a new tattoo.
All the cellphone towers are disguised as trees, but the tallest building in the city is a radio tower with a billboard and office on it.
It a first-world city in a third-world continent, and despite everything the corrupt, bigoted thieving lying brain-dead government can do to turn South Africa into a banana republic African shithole, Joburg just keeps growing and growing.
by George McBob May 18, 2009
by George McBob April 21, 2009
South African word for sandwich.
It's probably derived from the Afrikaans pronunciation of 'sandwich'.
It's probably derived from the Afrikaans pronunciation of 'sandwich'.
by George McBob May 12, 2009
A drink common among the dodgier elements of the Cape Town population.
One makes a blue train by filtering methylated spirits through a loaf of bread in order to remove the bitter-tasting purple dye (In South Africa, the dye is mandatory in order to prevent it's use as a beverage). Since only the dye is removed, not the kerosene, methanol, isopropanol etc, it gets you smashed off your head, but may cause vomiting, headaches, seizures, blindness and/or death.
It is called blue train because the thoroughly dyed loaf resembles the Blue Train, an ultra-luxury overnight passenger train between Joburg and Cape Town.
One makes a blue train by filtering methylated spirits through a loaf of bread in order to remove the bitter-tasting purple dye (In South Africa, the dye is mandatory in order to prevent it's use as a beverage). Since only the dye is removed, not the kerosene, methanol, isopropanol etc, it gets you smashed off your head, but may cause vomiting, headaches, seizures, blindness and/or death.
It is called blue train because the thoroughly dyed loaf resembles the Blue Train, an ultra-luxury overnight passenger train between Joburg and Cape Town.
by George McBob April 29, 2009
It's a well known fact that all the good movies go into the cinemas at the same time. The periods between these are DVD seasons, when instead of going to the movies you just rent the movies from the last good period and watch them at home with a pizza.
Damn, there's nothing on but chick flicks. All the sci fi movies are off the circuit. It must be another DVD season.
by George McBob May 17, 2009
The guy who laughs three seconds after everyone else.
It means someone who's IQ is a touch on the low side
It means someone who's IQ is a touch on the low side
The stand up comic was awesome, but there was a really annoying three seconder in the row behind us.
Dave is a bit of a three seconder sometimes.
Dave is a bit of a three seconder sometimes.
by George McBob May 18, 2009