7 definition by FTD

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Analagous to stroking one's penis, but done through the activity of thinking. Philosophy comes from the two root words phil, meaning "love", and sophy, meaning "to stroke ones penis incessantly and abstractly while maintaining a pretentious air about you". Combined, we can deduce that this means "to love one's own penis incessantly arrogantly and abstractly." Philosophy is broken down into many disciplines. Some to be considered are: epistemology, metaphysics and ontology.
Epistemology simply asks the question, "how do i know i am a fucking pretentious moron?" Over the centuries, many a party-goer has asked this question to philosophers only to be answered with high noses and comments about how wonderful the wine and cheese is, when you actually know it was 2 buck chuck and a cracker-barrel.
Next comes metaphysics. Metaphysics is what idiots at parties talk about when they are trying to prove they are better than you. Often times this involves theories of Truth, (with a capital T) and theories about why some philosophy dude will never go to home with that hot girl because he shows up to a party with a Nietzsche book in his pocket like its something she should be impressed by.
Ontology is the theory being. It simply asks the question, "Am i a pretentious moron?" Most philosophers cannot answer this question because they are so full of themselves, they cannot see past their own dissertations that try to explain a chair or a desk or any other inanimate object in the room.

While philosophy majors can most generally be categorized as annoying and useless, we can deduce from this simple syllogism the following:
1. All philosophy majors are pretentious assholes.
2. Pretentious assholes will do you favors if you stroke their egos
3. if you stroke a pretentious asshole's ego, you can get him to do anything
4. you can get a philosophy major to do anything if you stroke his ego a little bit.
So they arent completely useless. For example, you can get a philosophy kid to get you a beer when you need one at a party if you tell him you are interested in his theory (which by the way is never his particular theory) but just him reciting some bullshit he read. Nonetheless, if you just appease his need to assert intellectual dominance in a social atmosphere, you have a masturbating helper monkey as your new friend.
"Yo, philosophy geek! Get me a beer dude!"
by FTD May 20, 2005

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n. Also known as dionysian jerk pizza. A ritual pie, ordered and delivered from dominoes or pizza hut by low-IQ and young men who are collectively insecure about their sexuality and who are members of a 20th-21st century phenomena called "Fraternities" (otherwise known as "places of institutionalized date-rape"). These men are typically the sons of wealthy imperialists who made their fortunes off the backs of immigrant labor. The pie or pizza is used as an initiation tool by the older of the young men. The youngest initiates in the group are forced to stand around the pizza and stroke their penises until semen ejaculates from their ramrods and covers the pie. Then the last initiate to ejaculate is forced to eat the pie. Many a sociological study have pondered why the last to ejaculate is forced to eat the pie, since most in the fraternity caste system tend to frown upon "one minute miracles" when it comes to ejaculating in a female. How this behavior continues to be encouraged by fraternity men has baffled scientists and philosophers alike for the last two centuries.
"Make that freshman fuckhead eat the jerk pizza dude! Huh Huh Ha Ha!"
by FTD May 20, 2005

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A phobic response one uses when being accused of bromance.
"Yo Mike, I heard you and Phil saw the Cranberries play last night. Another bromantic night?"

"Nah, it was strictly brotonic, dude."
by FTD November 09, 2006

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1. star kicker
2. Donnie of notorious Page criminals Donnie & Clyde
3. see also "lucky pierre"
by ftd October 08, 2003

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"to impregnate with knowledge". It is actually closely related to the word "semen" and most generally, "seed".

Practically speaking, a seminar is a gathering where people recieve knowledge of some sorts.
Yo, i think im pregnant B. I just went to a seminar.
by FTD May 22, 2005

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First To Die. The phrase often emerges when a close group of friends candidly decides which one is the first to die. This is often done by a predetermined set of criteria, like frequency of cocaine usage, not looking both ways before crossing the street, frequent exposure to hazardous paint, not brushing teeth ever because it disagrees with you philosophically, terrible skills behind the wheel.
Yo, Scotty is the First to Die!
by FTD June 18, 2005

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Fine Girl Syndrome/Fine Guy Syndrome.
A social disorder which occurs when one, from an early age, is aware of the power of their beauty/fine-ness. This allows them to go through life without ever having to use their wit or intellect to get what they want in life. This in turn leaves them severely underdeveloped socially, making them wonder why their ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends call them "crazy dickhead" or "insane bitch" after a few months.
Man, that crazy dickwad has FGS.
Man, that crazy bitch has FGS.
by FTD October 09, 2006

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