EternalSoldier's definitions

Grannie Mae

A bank or another financial institution responsible for dishing out reverse mortgages, annuities, or other financial products to older adults.

Jim: You said you inherited a house! What happened?
Jack: Ma took out a reverse mortgage from the ol' Grannie Mae. She outlived her diagnosis by twenty years and died.
Jim: Feels bad, man.

by EternalSoldier February 3, 2026

Recursive Treenis

A penis that splits in two recursively, either infinitely or to some finite depth.

I can fuck four women simultaneously with my 2-recursion depth recursive treenis!

by EternalSoldier February 3, 2026

Ace's High

A rush of adrenaline-induced euphoria experienced by high-speed, low-flying jet fighter pilots dodging incoming missiles, flak, and small arms fire as they zero in on their target. Missions known to trigger Ace's High episodes range from F-16s destroying reactor sites in Iraq, to spacefaring vessels running along a battle planetoid's equator in search of a juicy exhaust port; all the way to Ukrainian drones finding a thicc Russian tonk.

The antithesis of Ace's High is The 'Nam. Naturally.

Dickey: Wasn't your great great grandpappy a fighter pilot?
Mitch: Hell yes he was! He always shared stories about his Ace's High experiences during the Battle of Britain. Always said it helped him kick his heroin habit.
Dickey: Hm. I should join some African air carrier. Or Spirit Airlines...

by EternalSoldier July 2, 2025

Nazarbayev Nutcracker

A solid square kick in the groin. Named after an incident in 2006 in which Nursultan Nazarbayev, President of Kazakhstan, kicked a filmmaker in the nuts in retaliation for making some weird "documentary."

Guy 1: So I went to her place, and my dick's still sore.
Guy 2: Nice!
Guy 1: No. It was not.
Guy 2: Why?
Guy 1: She gave me the Nazarbayev Nutcracker. :(

by EternalSoldier February 24, 2025

Shinzo Abe Special

An improvised shotgun typically forged from scrap metal and intended for a single engagement. Shinzo Abe Specials take after so-called Saturday Night Specials, which are shitty D-tier handguns fulfilling their analogous roles.

Named after the improvised shotgun that took Shinzo Abe's life in 2022 while the fucker was campaigning in the streets.

Kenzo: Yo! I heard the Prime Minister of Brazilistan got shot!
Kenji: Yeah, the bastard used a Shinzo Abe special.
Kenzo: Shit!

by EternalSoldier December 4, 2024

Rectalysis

A thorough dissection of a given idea down to its etymology, history, and countless bullshit considered ancillary to said idea. Considered on par with dissertations in academia, rectalyses are provided by Masters and honors undergraduate students seeking admission to medical school and are proctored by... well, proctologists and other MDs.

Jeffrey: How was that exam? You don't look good.
Adam: Bruh, I don't feel good! I got the worst rectalysis of my lifetime. Poor bum's gonna be sore this week. :(

by EternalSoldier November 26, 2024

Tauzza

Two pizzas. Derived from Tau = 2 * Pi, tauzza is slowly replacing pizza as a unit of measure of the number of pies delivered to parties and other events.

Domino Hut: Hello. How may we take your order?
Customer: Yeah, I will order one cheese tauzza with mushrooms, please
Domino Hut: So that's two cheese pizzas with mushrooms?
Customer: Yeah.

by EternalSoldier June 30, 2024