Definitions by Epididymitis

Shitness of Breath 

This occurs when you find yourself gasping for air while taking a dump.

Jamal: I just took a crap and could barely wipe my own ass! I guess it’s time to quit smoking.

Brenda: Why?
Jamal: On the toilet, I had some serious shitness of breath!

Shitness of Breath by Epididymitis December 24, 2021

pubelic 

This is the term for proudly lowering one’s pants to show-off a very bushy, unlandscaped patch of pubes in public.

Lily:
OMG Daniel— I just left the grocery, and everybody saw this guy at the end of aisle 2 grinning with his whole pubic area exposed!
Daniel:
Wow, I can’t believe he chose aisle 2 for a pubelic.

pubelic by Epididymitis July 28, 2021

piecycle 

This is the term for a bicycle with a seat that has very negative effects on the vagina.

Derek:
I am so glad we rented these bikes for our 25 miler!
Jennifer:
No way, bro— this seat makes me feel like I am crowning in my poonani. This is a freakin’ piecycle!

piecycle by Epididymitis July 28, 2021

turkey taint 

A cousin to the “turkey neck,” this is an even sadder part of aging in which a person’s taint sags and just hangs there like meat curtains.

Tara: I think I might go down on that old guy later and give him a “rusty trombone.”
Jennifer: Okay, but just remember— don’t choke or suffocate on his turkey taint!

turkey taint by Epididymitis March 3, 2019

nut blanket 

This is the weird layer or coating that covers a peanut.

Man, I was eating some peanuts in my truck and now my seat is covered in nut blankets!

nut blanket by Epididymitis May 15, 2018

suckseed 

This is another term for a blow job (or fellatio) but also implies the thumbs-up-feeling the man gets from the action.

Guy:

Dude, did you succeed on your first date with Brianna?

Dude:

Let’s just say that nobody can suckseed like Brianna!

suckseed by Epididymitis May 15, 2018