El conquistador's definitions
The act of jerking an uncircumcised cock to completion, but holding the load in the foreskin by pinching it shut. Then blowing up the foreskin like a balloon. When quickly released, the resulting explosion delivers the mother of all facials.
Justin and his boyfriend were having a wonderful evening of watching Ryan Gosling movies and licking popcorn butter off each other’s nipples, when things started to get a little frisky. They started with the usual dick slapping, then moved on to a rousing game of “will it fit”. ( Spoiler alert, it always does). Justin finally had an idea to try something new he had heard about in his gay pride chat group. After some cajoling, his boyfriend was definitely down to clown.
Thirty-four minutes later, Justin awoke in the back of the white county ambulance, ears ringing, eyes stuck shut like a new born kitten. Justin asks, “wha-what happened?” A wise grey bearded paramedic reaches to put a hand his shoulder but then recoils, because…yuck. He informs Justin, “Son, you took a Norris City Hand Grenade straight to the face. You’re lucky to be alive.”
Justin is making progress managing his PTSD (post traumatic sperm disorder). But still to this day, while watching gay porn, if he sees an uncircumcised dick, he curls up in his fetal position ands yells “ incoming!”
Thirty-four minutes later, Justin awoke in the back of the white county ambulance, ears ringing, eyes stuck shut like a new born kitten. Justin asks, “wha-what happened?” A wise grey bearded paramedic reaches to put a hand his shoulder but then recoils, because…yuck. He informs Justin, “Son, you took a Norris City Hand Grenade straight to the face. You’re lucky to be alive.”
Justin is making progress managing his PTSD (post traumatic sperm disorder). But still to this day, while watching gay porn, if he sees an uncircumcised dick, he curls up in his fetal position ands yells “ incoming!”
by El Conquistador January 11, 2025
Get the Norris City Hand Grenade mug.Performing a violent hand job on the gentleman to your left and the gentleman to your right, all while throating a third gentleman in the middle. Basically a modified Angry Pterodactyl with a hands free tonsil punch.
A poem dedicated to our friend Fast Pat, because we know he can take a joke.
Reach to your left and grab Cody by the root.
Wrap your fingers around like you wanna play a flute.
Riggs is here now and he wants to play too.
Two at a time ain’t no challenge for you.
Hold up, you’re not done working.
There’s more to an Angry Triceratops than just a bunch of jerking.
Doty is on deck and he’s full to the rim.
He hasn’t had booger since booger had him.
So plant two lips and work down to the scrotum.
You’ve been dreaming of this ever since you know’d him.
Now get to beating, like those dicks owe you money.
Beat ‘em so angry, they start cummin’ runny.
Don’t forget the middle man, he’s not there for the show.
It’s all about suction, they just call it a blow.
Breathe through your nose and don’t stop till it pops.
Show us why you’re the best, Angry Triceratops.
Reach to your left and grab Cody by the root.
Wrap your fingers around like you wanna play a flute.
Riggs is here now and he wants to play too.
Two at a time ain’t no challenge for you.
Hold up, you’re not done working.
There’s more to an Angry Triceratops than just a bunch of jerking.
Doty is on deck and he’s full to the rim.
He hasn’t had booger since booger had him.
So plant two lips and work down to the scrotum.
You’ve been dreaming of this ever since you know’d him.
Now get to beating, like those dicks owe you money.
Beat ‘em so angry, they start cummin’ runny.
Don’t forget the middle man, he’s not there for the show.
It’s all about suction, they just call it a blow.
Breathe through your nose and don’t stop till it pops.
Show us why you’re the best, Angry Triceratops.
by El Conquistador July 28, 2023
Get the Angry Triceratops mug.Having worked underground for many years, Chad was keenly aware of the need for sun light to live a healthy life. Chad tried spending more time outdoors and even shaved his head in an attempt to absorb more rays. Turns out the solution was right behind him the whole time. He decided to lay down in his front yard, completely naked, pull his knees back to his ears and aim his shit socket directly at the sun. Chad’s bung pulled in rays like a satellite dish. After only 30 seconds he had more energy than a fat kid chasing an ice cream truck. Chad’s discovery, the “solar rim job” if you will, could just be the free energy solution the world has been waiting for.
by El Conquistador July 2, 2023
Get the solar rim job mug.Going down on a cock while using one or both hands in a twisting motion to enhance pleasure and maximize jizz production.
Thank you for purchasing your new gas powered gawk gawk. Follow the instructions in the quick start guide to begin using your new gas powered gawk gawk. With proper care and maintenance, your new gas powered gawk gawk will provide you years of trouble free service.
Step 1: Before using your gas powered gawk gawk, make sure the shaft is clean and free from any obstacles.
Step 2: Bring the shaft to about eye level. Misalignment could cause poor performance.
Step 3: Set the choke, all the way until properly seated.
Step 4: Pull the starter handle forcefully. The shaft should begin to inflate. If it begins to stutter, ease off the choke a little.
Step 5: Your gawk gawk is provided with two twist throttles. Use both throttles for maximum output.
Step 6: Now rev both throttles simultaneously, like a two stroke Yamaha, while applying gentle suction on the open end
of the shaft.
Step 7: Continue until completely empty, if used properly, your gawk gawk will remove every drop.
Pro tip: For added performance, press the brown supercharger button located on the rear.
Step 1: Before using your gas powered gawk gawk, make sure the shaft is clean and free from any obstacles.
Step 2: Bring the shaft to about eye level. Misalignment could cause poor performance.
Step 3: Set the choke, all the way until properly seated.
Step 4: Pull the starter handle forcefully. The shaft should begin to inflate. If it begins to stutter, ease off the choke a little.
Step 5: Your gawk gawk is provided with two twist throttles. Use both throttles for maximum output.
Step 6: Now rev both throttles simultaneously, like a two stroke Yamaha, while applying gentle suction on the open end
of the shaft.
Step 7: Continue until completely empty, if used properly, your gawk gawk will remove every drop.
Pro tip: For added performance, press the brown supercharger button located on the rear.
by El Conquistador May 9, 2022
Get the gas powered gawk gawk mug.A super stealthy sex servant that can spank a swollen stiffy for a sticky semen surprise, whack a whiskered Willy wonderfully with one hand, just jerk a johnson so gingerly, five finger a fat fuck stick forever, bare hand a beefy BBC and beat a bulky boner black and blue.
Japanese folklore, written on the walls of the finest oriental massage parlors, tells of the legendary stroke ninja. Although known far and wide as the stroke ninja, the locals simply called her キャンディス. With cat like reflexes, nimble fingers and a grip like the deadly venus fly trap, many a man has succumb to her relentless grasp. The few that survived gather, on occasion, to reminisce about the best rub-n-tug of a lifetime.
by El Conquistador July 6, 2021
Get the stroke ninja mug.The act of performing a violent hand job on the gentleman to your left and the gentleman to your right, simultaneously, while flapping your arms like a prehistoric bird taking off from a rocky cliff.
Angry Pterodactyl; a nursery rhyme.
Hickory dickory dock
Fast Pat has two handfuls of cock
The clock struck two
Cody and Riggs shot their goo
Then dropped Pat at the end of the block
Hickory dickory dock
Fast Pat has two handfuls of cock
The clock struck two
Cody and Riggs shot their goo
Then dropped Pat at the end of the block
by El Conquistador May 5, 2021
Get the Angry Pterodactyl mug.Performing a violent hand job on the gentleman to your left and the gentleman to your right, at the same time, flapping your arms like an Angry Pterodactyl taking off from a rocky ledge.
Angry Pterodactyl; a nursery rhyme.
Hickory dickory dock
Fast Pat has two handfuls of cock
The clock struck two
Cody and Riggs shot their goo
Then dropped Pat at the end of the block
Hickory dickory dock
Fast Pat has two handfuls of cock
The clock struck two
Cody and Riggs shot their goo
Then dropped Pat at the end of the block
by El Conquistador May 4, 2021
Get the Angry Pterodactyl mug.