When you wait so long for your Uber that you shit your pants. There are two kinds of Uber shitters...those that will still get in the car with their shitty pants and that those that refuse to get in, out of respect for the upholstery.
After a big meal and several draft beers, Ryan and his crew needed an Uber to take them to the club. Their driver, Omar, was still 10 minutes away when Ryan started having terrible shit pains. Rather than risk missing the ride and disappointing his crew, he decided to hold it in till they got to the club....bad decision. With Omar but minutes away, Ryan dropped an Uber shit straight through his underwear and into his pants. The Uber pulled up to the curb and now it was crunch time. Ryan refused to get in the car, it was a matter principle. His crew jumped in and swore they would never tell anybody about the incident. Ryan stood alone on the sidewalk and called his mom to bring him pants and underwear.
by El Conquistador January 29, 2019
by El Conquistador June 30, 2017
When your GF accidentally grabs a tube of Ben Gay instead of massage oil while giving a hand job, thus causing your purple dick helmet to burn intensely.
by El conquistador January 17, 2014
by El Conquistador July 03, 2017
An elderly woman with no teeth giving a blow job. Possibly the closest to heaven any living man is likely to get.
by El conquistador January 17, 2014
by El Conquistador March 18, 2017
Going down on a cock while using one or both hands in a twisting motion to enhance pleasure and maximize jizz production.
Thank you for purchasing your new gas powered gawk gawk. Follow the instructions in the quick start guide to begin using your new gas powered gawk gawk. With proper care and maintenance, your new gas powered gawk gawk will provide you years of trouble free service.
Step 1: Before using your gas powered gawk gawk, make sure the shaft is clean and free from any obstacles.
Step 2: Bring the shaft to about eye level. Misalignment could cause poor performance.
Step 3: Set the choke, all the way until properly seated.
Step 4: Pull the starter handle forcefully. The shaft should begin to inflate. If it begins to stutter, ease off the choke a little.
Step 5: Your gawk gawk is provided with two twist throttles. Use both throttles for maximum output.
Step 6: Now rev both throttles simultaneously, like a two stroke Yamaha, while applying gentle suction on the open end
of the shaft.
Step 7: Continue until completely empty, if used properly, your gawk gawk will remove every drop.
Pro tip: For added performance, press the brown supercharger button located on the rear.
Step 1: Before using your gas powered gawk gawk, make sure the shaft is clean and free from any obstacles.
Step 2: Bring the shaft to about eye level. Misalignment could cause poor performance.
Step 3: Set the choke, all the way until properly seated.
Step 4: Pull the starter handle forcefully. The shaft should begin to inflate. If it begins to stutter, ease off the choke a little.
Step 5: Your gawk gawk is provided with two twist throttles. Use both throttles for maximum output.
Step 6: Now rev both throttles simultaneously, like a two stroke Yamaha, while applying gentle suction on the open end
of the shaft.
Step 7: Continue until completely empty, if used properly, your gawk gawk will remove every drop.
Pro tip: For added performance, press the brown supercharger button located on the rear.
by El Conquistador May 09, 2022