by El Conquistador July 05, 2017
When you wait so long for your Uber that you shit your pants. There are two kinds of Uber shitters...those that will still get in the car with their shitty pants and that those that refuse to get in, out of respect for the upholstery.
After a big meal and several draft beers, Ryan and his crew needed an Uber to take them to the club. Their driver, Omar, was still 10 minutes away when Ryan started having terrible shit pains. Rather than risk missing the ride and disappointing his crew, he decided to hold it in till they got to the club....bad decision. With Omar but minutes away, Ryan dropped an Uber shit straight through his underwear and into his pants. The Uber pulled up to the curb and now it was crunch time. Ryan refused to get in the car, it was a matter principle. His crew jumped in and swore they would never tell anybody about the incident. Ryan stood alone on the sidewalk and called his mom to bring him pants and underwear.
by El Conquistador January 29, 2019
by El Conquistador July 12, 2017
No more expensive teeth whitening treatments since we discovered the tooth nut. Come on babe, show us your pearly whites!
by El Conquistador May 15, 2019
Wrecking your boyfriend’s shit socket with your unusually small hands after painting yourself orange and donning a cheap blonde wig.
Ryan wanted to do something special for Robbie’s birthday. They had already tried most other deviant sexual variations and were, quite frankly, bored with the normal pee pee touching and butt stuff. Ryan decided to combine two things that Robbie loves most...Trump and manual anal stimulation. Robbie was well experienced butt had never been Ass Trumped before. He screamed “best birthday ever!”
by El Conquistador December 19, 2019
When your GF accidentally grabs a tube of Ben Gay instead of massage oil while giving a hand job, thus causing your purple dick helmet to burn intensely.
by El conquistador January 17, 2014
by El Conquistador July 15, 2017