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Definitions by Ednatoast Jeeganflipperwick

Pork Scotch Dance

A gay dance that only Pork Scotch will do when drunk at his garlic bread barbeque. It involves bending over and sharply moving his arms back and forward with a delay between each one.
MONKUS: What the hell is Pork Scotch doing?

MICKUS: It's a gay dance he does whenever he gets drunk with his wrinkly 'girlfriend' at one of his daily barbeques.

MONKUS: I see. Pork Scotch dance. Pretty stupid!

Pork Scotch's 'Girlfriend' 

A manly, wrinkly woman that is the 'girlfriend of Pork Scotch. She has rabbit teeth and is as ugly and manly as Pork Scotch himself. She has a spac grandson and wears old bagish clothes that shit stained schumachers would wear. By going out with her, this proves Pork Scotch's Homosexuality.
Ugghhh! Look, it's Pork Scotch's 'girlfriend'. I hate her! UGLY Bitch!!! Eating garlic bread at the green plastic table with Porky doing his famous drunken dance.

Pork Scotch Pizzas 

The greatest pizza topping in the world but unfortunately not sold by any pizza place. If you phone up a pizza place and ask for this fine pizza the 'hard working' dickhead will say "sorry mate we dont do that one." Rather than asking what is on it and making a sale. The Pork Scotch pizza is loved by fat, old, arseholes of security guards, mainly Pork Scotch himself. The topping is pork pieces in a thick gravy sauce.
MANLY GIRLFRIEND: I'm ordering Italian tonight. What do you want Max?

MAX: Just 3 Pork Scotch pizzas please.

Maltby Lorry 

A place two streets down where Pork Scotch's cones are hidden from him. This lorry never seems to move and neither does the stolen cone.
PORK SCOTCH: Where's my cone? I bet a bloody nigger's stolen it. Wait. What's that on the back of the Maltby Lorry? It's my cone! Who put it there?

Pork Scotch's Cone

A cone wrongly stolen by Pork Scotch that he once used to keep a space for his small white van outside his house while he went out in it because he thinks he is important because he's a security guard (EVEN more important than Shit Stained Schumachers you know). Because he had no right to do it, I moved it so that a car would park there. When he got back the look of shock on the ugly bastards face was phenomenal when he saw that a car had parked there. With a usual grumpy look on his face, he moved it onto the front of the house. He works from 6pm to 6am so at 10 we put it in a bin bag and took it onto another road an left it on the back of a Maltby lorry. In the morning, he was looking all over the place for his beloved cone with a mad look of disbelief. Looks like he'll never see his cone again. Poor Porky!
SWYTHEERBRIDGE: Whats that orange thing on the back of the Maltby lorry?

MONK AND DAD: That's Pork Scotch's Cone.

Curry Hat 

an item only worn by a paki it carries a spare supply of curry and adds another 3 inches to their ugly twatty heads and woe betide any of the wankers if they block my view again. A curry hat is also known as a turban.
I cant see the wrestling because theres some paki twats with curry hats in front of us. Arseholes! If that bastard doesnt take it off I´ll rip it off the wanker! Lets hope Triple H comes out and beats the shit OFF of em, no wait, their skins that colour!

Pork Scotch

A boring old man that has a shaved head where there is a bald spot at the top-back and the hair surrounding it is spirally. Pork Scotch is the name of the hairstyle but the bloke is called a Pork Scotch aswell.When the boring old bastard speaks to you, you feel suicidal with boredom. He wears a cowboy hat-shaped buffalo skin hat. He has terrible tast in clothing, he sits outside in the back garden and thinks its cool and fun to have a bbq evryday wearing a hawaiian-like shirt with horrible, boring shorts reading a paper with his wife that looks like a man in drag. Pork Scotch is also known as Mr Boring, Mr Ugly, and The Arsehole. His real name is Max (AKA Pork Scotch)
MONK: Look at The Arsehole. The clothes are terrible! Ugly, Ugly old bastard!
DAD: I know. Look, he´s sitting at the table in the garden with his back to us so we get a good view of the Pork Scotch