Definitions by Eaton Holgoode

Olive Muncher 

A chick that spends an equal or an inordinate amount of time orally copulating, sucking and gingerly lipping a dude's balls and ball sack whilst performing head.

I love getting head from the new girl in marketing. She's a real olive muncher.

Olive Muncher by Eaton Holgoode May 1, 2016

Marble Juggler

A dude that is constantly touching and fondling his balls and man sack outwardly over the pants or shorts. May be done for pleasure or simply out of boredom. The hallmark of a marble juggler is their juggling act is done in public settings with little regard for creating a spectacle of themselves.

Dude I don't know what the deal is with that new janitor at school. That guy should be in the circus cause he is a real marble juggler. Just watch him. Always given em a tug.

Marble Juggler by Eaton Holgoode May 1, 2016

Shitsturbate 

To masturbate oneself while taking a shit. Simultaneous masturbation and defecation. The ultimate dual release.

After years of marriage, Carl's wife finally figured out her husband takes an excessively long time in the bathroom because he loves to Shitsturbate.

Shitsturbate by Eaton Holgoode April 28, 2016

Dirt Mule

A morbidly obese, 60+ year old male that is hairy, has homosexual tendencies and lounges around all day watching pay per view porn and trolling Internet for sex chats. Usually wanks himself 4-6 times per day before passing out from excessive alcohol intake.

Dude what's with your neighbor?

Oh brohhhhh that guys a dirt mule. Never shake his hand.

Dirt Mule by Eaton Holgoode April 19, 2016

Fitfuck 

A male fucking douchebag the wears a Fitbit as a fashion statement with the belief that women are impressed.

The mall is full of fitfucks today.

Fitfuck by Eaton Holgoode March 3, 2016

Mole Farmer

A male individual that enjoys unprotected anal sex with a dirty partner and does not mind when their hook up ends up mole farming him.

Carl never complains about a dirty sex partner. He's nasty and is a real mole farmer.

Mole Farmer by Eaton Holgoode January 25, 2016

Spreadsheet 

A sheet, towel or other linen laid out over existing bed linens or over carpeting for the purpose of have sex and to protect the underlying fabrics from sexual fluid stains.

Maggie refused to have sex and risk squirting all over her Sferra Milos Sheet Set so she made her husband go to Walmart to by a spreadsheet.

Spreadsheet by Eaton Holgoode January 25, 2016