Definitions by Dusty's Baby Powder
Ben Burger
A hamburger made by Ben Hatley, often eaten near the end of summer and at the start of fall. Often it is grilled on a lawn chair instead of a grill. Ben Burgers are so huge that they take up a bunch of space. They are often covered in tomatoes, peppers, and onions. You can't get them anywhere else but Oshawa, Ontario. So if you're looking for something good to eat at the end of summer, get a Ben Burger. And remember, Ben Hatley sent you!
Ben: Oh boy, looks like its Ben Burger time again!
Liv: Mmm, I love your Ben Burgers to death!
Ben: They're huge, aren't they? One taste of this baby and you'll be runnin' for the Benmobile. Serious grease! (he's laughing very hard - gut shaking)
Sylvia: Hey guys, are you two having a Ben Burger? I've never had one. What's in it?
Dan: Whoah, these Ben Burgers are sweet! I'm dying to know the recipe.
Ben: Well, you take a hamburger and you set it out on the lawn chair. Then, when its cooked on one side, you flip it over and you cook it on the back side. And then you put onions, tomatoes, and peppers on it. Here, taste this!
Dan: (he tastes it) Oooh, this is good! Thank you! (he gives one to Sylvia)
Sylvia: Whoah, this is sweet! Might be a little hard the abdominals. But this is crazy sweet. Thank you!
Ben: You're welcome! Thank Liv too. She eats these. Now, let's hit the Benmobile. (he takes off jogging) See you there!
Liv: Mmm, I love your Ben Burgers to death!
Ben: They're huge, aren't they? One taste of this baby and you'll be runnin' for the Benmobile. Serious grease! (he's laughing very hard - gut shaking)
Sylvia: Hey guys, are you two having a Ben Burger? I've never had one. What's in it?
Dan: Whoah, these Ben Burgers are sweet! I'm dying to know the recipe.
Ben: Well, you take a hamburger and you set it out on the lawn chair. Then, when its cooked on one side, you flip it over and you cook it on the back side. And then you put onions, tomatoes, and peppers on it. Here, taste this!
Dan: (he tastes it) Oooh, this is good! Thank you! (he gives one to Sylvia)
Sylvia: Whoah, this is sweet! Might be a little hard the abdominals. But this is crazy sweet. Thank you!
Ben: You're welcome! Thank Liv too. She eats these. Now, let's hit the Benmobile. (he takes off jogging) See you there!
Ben Burger by Dusty's Baby Powder October 1, 2011
Opalmercial
An infomercial starring Opal Crankshaft. It is most often for exercise equipment but also for cooking or other "granny" products. The word is a mix of infomercial and Opal. Opal can often be seen skipping up and down on the set praising the products. Her grandson, Nelson, loves to watch Opalmercials. So, if you're looking for something to do at 4:30 am (PDT), click on the PIN Network for an Opalmercial - they are cute!
Opal: Hey Nelson, there's an Opalmercial on the TV. Wanna watch it?
Nelson: Sure! But we'll probably have to skip it. Its not that good.
Opal: Skip it? Of course we can skip it. Watch this! (she starts skipping down the hall with the remote in her hand)
Earl: What are you watching? Is that an Opalmercial? That's pretty cool. You love these, don't you?
Nelson: Yes. I love Opalmercials. Especially because they've got Gramma in them.
Earl: Well, what's she selling? Thunderbrushes? I bet its Thunderbrush.
Opal: I heard that! (she skips back down the hall to Earl) Aren't Opalmercials cute? Now, brush me fifty! (she winks at Nelson and they start skipping around the room) Opalmercials rock!
Nelson: Sure! But we'll probably have to skip it. Its not that good.
Opal: Skip it? Of course we can skip it. Watch this! (she starts skipping down the hall with the remote in her hand)
Earl: What are you watching? Is that an Opalmercial? That's pretty cool. You love these, don't you?
Nelson: Yes. I love Opalmercials. Especially because they've got Gramma in them.
Earl: Well, what's she selling? Thunderbrushes? I bet its Thunderbrush.
Opal: I heard that! (she skips back down the hall to Earl) Aren't Opalmercials cute? Now, brush me fifty! (she winks at Nelson and they start skipping around the room) Opalmercials rock!
Opalmercial by Dusty's Baby Powder September 29, 2011
Hatleysquats
A form of squat created on September 27, 2011 by Ben Hatley. It begins by standing by the Benmobile's front wheel with the feet spread as wide as possible. The wheel is then kicked or turned and then, between turns of the wheel, a plyometric squat is done. That is you jump up in between turns of the wheel. This is very powerful. If you thought doing squats was fun before, wait till you try Hatleysquats - they are awesome! Ben Hatley approved.
Ben: Hey Bryant, come here. How about a round of Hatleysquats? (he kicks the wheel of the Benmobile)
Bryant: I'm not sure. I know how to do it, but we did some this morning.
Ben: Well, it wouldn't hurt to do some again. Here, spread your feet and squat down when I turn the wheel. Then, for every time it turns, jump up once. Ready? (he turns the wheel and Bryant jumps up)
Liv: Wow! Are you doing Hatleysquats again? Let me at it! These are fun. Better than any old regular squat that I do.
Bryant: (counting, having already done 5) Six.. Seven.. Eight.. Nine.. Ten! There! I feel awesome now.
Snapper: What?! This crazy exercise. I used to do these, but not like that. Show me.
Bryant: Here Aunt Snapper, I'll show you. Spread your feet out and crouch down. Then, when Grandpa Ben turns the wheel, jump up, then squat again. Its easy. Its a Hatleysquat.
Snapper: (tries it) Woah, that's brisk. Do you think Grandma Mac might like it?
Ben: Sure, she'll love it. They are so hot your quads will be an inferno by the time we're done. (he rubs his leg because he's squatted for so long) Sweet!
Bryant: I'm not sure. I know how to do it, but we did some this morning.
Ben: Well, it wouldn't hurt to do some again. Here, spread your feet and squat down when I turn the wheel. Then, for every time it turns, jump up once. Ready? (he turns the wheel and Bryant jumps up)
Liv: Wow! Are you doing Hatleysquats again? Let me at it! These are fun. Better than any old regular squat that I do.
Bryant: (counting, having already done 5) Six.. Seven.. Eight.. Nine.. Ten! There! I feel awesome now.
Snapper: What?! This crazy exercise. I used to do these, but not like that. Show me.
Bryant: Here Aunt Snapper, I'll show you. Spread your feet out and crouch down. Then, when Grandpa Ben turns the wheel, jump up, then squat again. Its easy. Its a Hatleysquat.
Snapper: (tries it) Woah, that's brisk. Do you think Grandma Mac might like it?
Ben: Sure, she'll love it. They are so hot your quads will be an inferno by the time we're done. (he rubs his leg because he's squatted for so long) Sweet!
Hatleysquats by Dusty's Baby Powder September 28, 2011
Hatleyball
A game which mixes baseball and soccer. Played by Ben Hatley and his grandkids. The rules are as follows: a game is divided into four fifteen minute quarters called 'Hatleys', a soccer ball is placed on a baseball tee and then hit with a baseball bat, however far the ball goes down the field is either a single, double, or triple. Or if the ball is close enough to the goal it is a grand slam. The ball is then picked up and run into the goal by the scoring player, scoring either 1, 2, 3, or 4 points depending on how far it went. Hatleyball is played all over the world. Ask Ben Hatley, he'd tell you!
Ben: Hey Nelson, you want to play some Hatleyball?
Nelson: Wow! But I don't get it Grandpa Ben. What's Hatleyball?
Ben: Its this game that mixes baseball and soccer. See, I'll show you. You hit the ball off the tee as far down as you want. Then, however far it goes is a single, double, triple, or grand slam. Then you pick up the ball and you run toward the goal with it. If you score the goal, its worth up to four points. (Ben demonstrates how to play)
Liv: Yeah, Nelson, this is fun! You should try it. So, you wanna play? How about you and Coach Patty against me and Grandpa Ben. Two on two!
Nelson: (squeals) Great! But we'll probably be stiff. We'll need some warm up stretches.
Ben: That's easy. Let's all do a Hatley Hula. There you go, ease into it. This is just a warm up stretch.
Liv: Whoah! That ought to limber us up! (blows the coach whistle) Game on!
Patty: Just you wait, Team Hatley! Wolfe and Tokoname are on the hunt! We'll beat you!
Ben: Hatleyball rocks! There's no way you're gonna beat us, Patricia. (like he was mad)
Nelson: Wow! But I don't get it Grandpa Ben. What's Hatleyball?
Ben: Its this game that mixes baseball and soccer. See, I'll show you. You hit the ball off the tee as far down as you want. Then, however far it goes is a single, double, triple, or grand slam. Then you pick up the ball and you run toward the goal with it. If you score the goal, its worth up to four points. (Ben demonstrates how to play)
Liv: Yeah, Nelson, this is fun! You should try it. So, you wanna play? How about you and Coach Patty against me and Grandpa Ben. Two on two!
Nelson: (squeals) Great! But we'll probably be stiff. We'll need some warm up stretches.
Ben: That's easy. Let's all do a Hatley Hula. There you go, ease into it. This is just a warm up stretch.
Liv: Whoah! That ought to limber us up! (blows the coach whistle) Game on!
Patty: Just you wait, Team Hatley! Wolfe and Tokoname are on the hunt! We'll beat you!
Ben: Hatleyball rocks! There's no way you're gonna beat us, Patricia. (like he was mad)
Hatleyball by Dusty's Baby Powder September 25, 2011
Rogers Rub
A massage given by Flo Rogers to her best friend and fellow military granny, Beatrice Middleton. A Rogers Rub is most often given before a card game or any other hard time. Rogers Rub is guaranteed to melt stress away. Not a believer yet? Ask Flo Rogers to give you one one time. You will love it! Flo Rogers guaranteed! S.W.A.A.
Flo: Oh no, I'm so stiff. They don't call it Body Poker for nothing. My whole body hurts. I need my Rogers Rub.
Beatrice: (she is putting the cards back) A Rogers Rub? Give me one too! You know I like them. Let's use the Martian Mud.
Flo: Sure, full body or just half?
Beatrice: Well, you know it works best if you go full body with it. A Gunny Granny can't take stress. Hey, its a dirty job, but a Gunny Granny's gotta do what a Gunny Granny's gotta do!
Flo: Hey, I know the feeling. I love a massage, too. And the Rogers Rub is one of the best ways. It sure does melt your body! (Flo and Beatrice start massaging each other)
Beatrice: Oh yeah, this is just flying away. That Body Poker game really took a lot out of me.
Flo: Yeah, it did me too. But, see, a Rogers Rub is a great massage! And it isn't just a massage, we can stretch while we're doing it. (she starts stretching on Flo's ankle)
Flo: (reaches up and kisses Beatrice) Yes, the Rogers Rub - one of the best Sea Granny secrets! A Sea Granny cannot set sail without a Rogers Rub. So creamy!
Beatrice: (she is putting the cards back) A Rogers Rub? Give me one too! You know I like them. Let's use the Martian Mud.
Flo: Sure, full body or just half?
Beatrice: Well, you know it works best if you go full body with it. A Gunny Granny can't take stress. Hey, its a dirty job, but a Gunny Granny's gotta do what a Gunny Granny's gotta do!
Flo: Hey, I know the feeling. I love a massage, too. And the Rogers Rub is one of the best ways. It sure does melt your body! (Flo and Beatrice start massaging each other)
Beatrice: Oh yeah, this is just flying away. That Body Poker game really took a lot out of me.
Flo: Yeah, it did me too. But, see, a Rogers Rub is a great massage! And it isn't just a massage, we can stretch while we're doing it. (she starts stretching on Flo's ankle)
Flo: (reaches up and kisses Beatrice) Yes, the Rogers Rub - one of the best Sea Granny secrets! A Sea Granny cannot set sail without a Rogers Rub. So creamy!
Rogers Rub by Dusty's Baby Powder September 25, 2011
Drabble's Disease
A form of stress suffered by all security officers, especially when they have to rush back and forth and are always forgetting things. One major symptom of Drabble's Disease is the constant going back and forth to retrieve something you forgot. The disease was named in honor of the world's greatest mall cop, Sergeant Ralph E. Drabble, Jr.
Ralph: Oh no, I've got to go to work here in a second. But I forgot my wallet. (He finds his wallet) Bye!
Rose: Bye Ralph, have a great day! (she sits down and starts reading)
Ralph: (coming back) Sorry, forgot my cell phone. Dang Drabble's Disease! Come to think of it, I forgot my lunch.
Rose: Drabble's Disease?! What in the world is that?
Ralph: Its what happens when mall cops get stressed. We forget everything. Its terrible! We have to do jumping jacks just to calm down.
Rose: Have you tried other forms of therapy?
Ralph: (he punches the air with anger) Yes, but I don't know what else helps. Darn mall cops! We don't know what to do when this hits.
Rose: Try massage or walking back and forth making healing noises. That's what always works for me! The more stressed you are, the harder it is.
Ralph: OK, maybe massage and Qigong would help. You sure know what you're talking about.
Rose: Sure, I've studied this stuff for years. Its not easy! But you've got to eaaaaaase away that Drabble's Disease.
Rose: Bye Ralph, have a great day! (she sits down and starts reading)
Ralph: (coming back) Sorry, forgot my cell phone. Dang Drabble's Disease! Come to think of it, I forgot my lunch.
Rose: Drabble's Disease?! What in the world is that?
Ralph: Its what happens when mall cops get stressed. We forget everything. Its terrible! We have to do jumping jacks just to calm down.
Rose: Have you tried other forms of therapy?
Ralph: (he punches the air with anger) Yes, but I don't know what else helps. Darn mall cops! We don't know what to do when this hits.
Rose: Try massage or walking back and forth making healing noises. That's what always works for me! The more stressed you are, the harder it is.
Ralph: OK, maybe massage and Qigong would help. You sure know what you're talking about.
Rose: Sure, I've studied this stuff for years. Its not easy! But you've got to eaaaaaase away that Drabble's Disease.
Drabble's Disease by Dusty's Baby Powder September 16, 2011
Ralph School
A home-based school attended by the Drabble children, especially Penny and Patrick. It is taught by their father, Sergeant Ralph Drabble. Ralph is a tough teacher and often glares at his students when they don't do something he likes. This is the best place to learn how to be a mall cop. So if you think mall cops are pretty cool, check it out and go to Ralph School!
Ralph: OK, kids, you ready for Ralph School?
Penny: Right on, dad! I'm gonna love this.
Ralph: No, no sweetheart. At Ralph School I'm not Dad, its Mr. Drabble, OK?
Penny: (starts crying) But I've always called you Dad.
Ralph: Not in your Ralph School classes. (he gives her a gentle glare) See, Isn't this fun having me for a teacher?
Patrick: This is fun! Best school I know. Especially since you're our teacher!
Ralph: (starts laughing) Yes, this is like mall cop therapy. Ralph School is crazy! Class dismissed! (he glares at them again) Ralph School rules!
Penny: Right on, dad! I'm gonna love this.
Ralph: No, no sweetheart. At Ralph School I'm not Dad, its Mr. Drabble, OK?
Penny: (starts crying) But I've always called you Dad.
Ralph: Not in your Ralph School classes. (he gives her a gentle glare) See, Isn't this fun having me for a teacher?
Patrick: This is fun! Best school I know. Especially since you're our teacher!
Ralph: (starts laughing) Yes, this is like mall cop therapy. Ralph School is crazy! Class dismissed! (he glares at them again) Ralph School rules!
Ralph School by Dusty's Baby Powder September 15, 2011