D. Gould's definitions

call a lumberjack

What you need to do when you get "wood", from looking at a hot chick.

"Uh oh. Someone call a lumberjack. 'Cause I got WOOD!"

by D. Gould February 6, 2006

on the gas

Someone who is using performance-enhancing drugs.

"Pro wrestlers? Yup. Totally on the gas."

by D. Gould December 17, 2008

tits in Cali

A phrase used to describe the transparent and artifical nature, of a person's projected character or personality.

"That chick pretends to be sincere and honest, but she's like 'tits in Cali': totally FAKE."

by D. Gould January 25, 2006

switch hit

Masterbating, with your non-dominant hand. Much like a "friendly stranger", it supposedly gives one the feeling of being tugged by another person.

"If you're right-handed, why don't you jerk off with your right hand?"

"Because if you switch hit, it makes you cum faster."

by D. Gould June 11, 2006

professional bargainer

In retail, a customer who feels they are absolved, for whatever reason, from paying the full retail, or even sale price, of an item. They are ruthlessly aggressive, cutthroat, and Grade-A social bottomfeeders, of the lowest order. Often they will use every lie or excuse in the book, in order to garnish themselves a deal. They will claim a product is damaged, when it is not. They will claim to be family of staff, when they are not. Females will attempt to use sexual charm, while males prefer verbal aggression, to try and break down a salesperson. Easily spotted. Often found standing in the middle of the store, yelling at the top of their lungs, and making an ass of themselves.

"If that 'professional bargainer' makes a purchase from you, make sure you hit him up with the hidden 'PAIN IN MY ASS' tax. He has it coming to him!"

by D. Gould January 13, 2006

social cockroach

Much like the insect bearing the same name, a social cockroach, is a person with no redeeming qualities whatsoever, who just refuses to go away.

"My ex-husband, is a 100% social cockroach. He prowls the night in a drunken stupor, vandalizing my boyfriend's car."

by D. Gould December 9, 2006

seminal lip balm

Semen, that has strayed onto a woman's lips, after giving head or receiving a "money shot".

"Baby, you have some chapped lips. Come here. I got some seminal lip balm for ya!"

by D. Gould September 30, 2006