Colonel Barnaby's definitions

Mingemonger

Minge is a colloquial English term referring to a female’s pubic hair. Monger refers to any trading enterprise. A minge-monger is therefore a term of abuse used to describe a person who it is claimed sells the pubic hair of a ladies.

That disgusting bloke is an absolute mingemonger!

by Colonel Barnaby November 28, 2022

Cocksucker

A disgraceful practise where a woman or an inverted man willingly engages in oral intercourse. This sexual act induces incredible sexual pleasure upon the male, with the added value that it cannot lead to pregnancy. This has, sadly, become incredibly popular amongst young people from all classes of society. However, one must also be aware that it can also be used as simply a term of abuse and nothing more.

‘Nellie called me a ‘cocksucker’ because she found out I was dating Florrie from the pickle factory!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 23, 2023

Coprolite

An archaeological term used to describe a fossilised piece of waste emitted from the rectum of an animal or human.

‘You are nothing more than a human coprolite, you worthless piece of dung!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 19, 2023

Hand-shandy

A sexual act carried out by all classes of society amongst males of solitary habits upon their own loins, or by a female upon the loins of a male. It involves the manual manipulation of the male organ in order to achieve sexual solace. This practise is very common. It is believed that the term refers to the white froth found floating on a glass of shandy (an alcoholic fizzy drink comprised of beer and lemonaide) and the similarities between this foam and the effluxion of sexual fluid that occurs during the moment of male solace.

‘Bert couldn’t wait to get in the back seat with Edna. She asked him if he wanted a hand-shandy!’

by Colonel Barnaby February 15, 2023

Joe-bags

A term very commonly used in the 1940s and 50s by juveniles to describe a French letter or condom. It has been claimed that the term derives from the time when millions of ‘GI-Joes’ (American soldiers) were issued with French letters as part of their equipment. As a result, Europe was flooded with Joe-bags.

‘I bought a packet of Joe-bags from the barbers this morning. I need them because I’m going to shag Doris tonight!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 18, 2023

Frottaging

A type of perverted sexual solace performed by men against completely innocent members of the public, often in full view of their compatriots. It is normally associated with inverted men, but can also be performed by normal males against females. An inverted or normal man will select his frottaging ‘victim’ in, say, a crowded train, and approach them in as innocent a manner as possible. They will then rub their genital area or loins against them in an act of simulated sex before making off as quickly as possible. Most disgusting. Young ladies have also been victims to this disgraceful practice, and I urge you all to be very wary of young men who approach you in public areas!

‘Fred was bending over in the shop, tying his shoelaces, when a bloke came up behind him and started frottaging him, thrusting his loins against Fred’s bum. Fred turned around and the bloke made off like lightening.’

by Colonel Barnaby January 20, 2023

Cottaging

A term used by inverted men - both young and old- who like to frequent public lavatories (which they call ‘cottages’) in order to experience sexual solace.

‘Keep away from those toilets, Fred, it’s full of nine-bob-notes going cottaging!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 18, 2023