Colonel Barnaby's definitions

Invert

A polite term used in the 1950s and early 1960s to describe a male who is sexually attracted to his fellow men. It is a term that is rarely used today.

‘Lionel’s a fantastic hairdresser - he’s just a bit of an invert, that’s all! ‘

by Colonel Barnaby January 18, 2023

Hand-shandy

A sexual act carried out by all classes of society amongst males of solitary habits upon their own loins, or by a female upon the loins of a male. It involves the manual manipulation of the male organ in order to achieve sexual solace. This practise is very common. It is believed that the term refers to the white froth found floating on a glass of shandy (an alcoholic fizzy drink comprised of beer and lemonaide) and the similarities between this foam and the effluxion of sexual fluid that occurs during the moment of male solace.

‘Bert couldn’t wait to get in the back seat with Edna. She asked him if he wanted a hand-shandy!’

by Colonel Barnaby February 15, 2023

Impotent

When a normal man is unable to obtain a stirring of the loins when confronted with an attractive young lady. This is sadly common. It is often associated with old age or prostrate difficulties. It produces extreme melancholia in the male; a feeling of worthlessness, of being unable to satisfy a woman, which - in extreme cases - can lead to suicide.

‘Sidney totally impotent and can’t get a hard-on, even when Doris wears her baby-doll nightie!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 23, 2023

Spunk bubble

A definition of a young man who sees himself as being superior to those of older rank. It refers to the young male as someone who was a mere bubble of ejeculate when older, superior males were forging their way in the world. It is a term of derision and resentment upon the youth of today, who see going to the toilet and eating as their sole achievements in life.

‘So, you think that you know it all! When I was fighting in the army you were nothing more than a spunk bubble, you worthless, drug-crazed , chromium-plated retard!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 23, 2023

Milk pods

A juvenile English colloquialism of yesteryear, once used by schoolboys, to describe the breasts of a lady.

‘Cor, blimey, look at the curvy new French teacher - I wouldn’t mind turning on the taps on her milk pods!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 17, 2023

Bum bandit

This term refers to an inverted male who seeks sexual pleasure by committing his loins to the rectum of another male. This term has sinister connotations and suggests that the inverted male has violent or unwanted intentions. It was a widely used terminology in the 1950s and 60s, but is still encountered today, particularly among the lower classes.

‘Be careful when you’re with Tarquin; when he’s had a few drinks he turns into a right bum bandit!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 21, 2023

Winkle

This is a reference - used by mothers- to refer to the common periwinkle (a type of shellfish, resembling a small snail, and commonly found on shores in the northern hemisphere) and how much the contents of the shell resemble a little boys penis.

‘Kevin, don’t forget to give your winkle a good shake after you’ve had a wee-wee!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 18, 2023