Colonel Barnaby's definitions

Coprolite

An archaeological term used to describe a fossilised piece of waste emitted from the rectum of an animal or human.

‘You are nothing more than a human coprolite, you worthless piece of dung!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 19, 2023

Joe-bags

A term very commonly used in the 1940s and 50s by juveniles to describe a French letter or condom. It has been claimed that the term derives from the time when millions of ‘GI-Joes’ (American soldiers) were issued with French letters as part of their equipment. As a result, Europe was flooded with Joe-bags.

‘I bought a packet of Joe-bags from the barbers this morning. I need them because I’m going to shag Doris tonight!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 18, 2023

Hand-shandy

A sexual act carried out by all classes of society amongst males of solitary habits upon their own loins, or by a female upon the loins of a male. It involves the manual manipulation of the male organ in order to achieve sexual solace. This practise is very common. It is believed that the term refers to the white froth found floating on a glass of shandy (an alcoholic fizzy drink comprised of beer and lemonaide) and the similarities between this foam and the effluxion of sexual fluid that occurs during the moment of male solace.

‘Bert couldn’t wait to get in the back seat with Edna. She asked him if he wanted a hand-shandy!’

by Colonel Barnaby February 15, 2023

Cock milking

This term is defined as the act of manual stimulation to the loins of a willing male - either by another male or a female. The loins of the male are stroked in a rhythmical fashion ; often from behind so as to resemble the milking of a bovine by a milking maiden. This results in a very pleasurable seminal emission by the male, usually captured in a tissue or some other receptacle.

‘Harold loves it when Maude has a go at cock milking. It gives him instant relief and means she can’t get pregnant!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 21, 2023

Spunk bubble

A definition of a young man who sees himself as being superior to those of older rank. It refers to the young male as someone who was a mere bubble of ejeculate when older, superior males were forging their way in the world. It is a term of derision and resentment upon the youth of today, who see going to the toilet and eating as their sole achievements in life.

‘So, you think that you know it all! When I was fighting in the army you were nothing more than a spunk bubble, you worthless, drug-crazed , chromium-plated retard!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 23, 2023

Winkle

This is a reference - used by mothers- to refer to the common periwinkle (a type of shellfish, resembling a small snail, and commonly found on shores in the northern hemisphere) and how much the contents of the shell resemble a little boys penis.

‘Kevin, don’t forget to give your winkle a good shake after you’ve had a wee-wee!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 18, 2023

Bum bandit

This term refers to an inverted male who seeks sexual pleasure by committing his loins to the rectum of another male. This term has sinister connotations and suggests that the inverted male has violent or unwanted intentions. It was a widely used terminology in the 1950s and 60s, but is still encountered today, particularly among the lower classes.

‘Be careful when you’re with Tarquin; when he’s had a few drinks he turns into a right bum bandit!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 21, 2023