Colonel Barnaby's definitions

Cocksucker

A disgraceful practise where a woman or an inverted man willingly engages in oral intercourse. This sexual act induces incredible sexual pleasure upon the male, with the added value that it cannot lead to pregnancy. This has, sadly, become incredibly popular amongst young people from all classes of society. However, one must also be aware that it can also be used as simply a term of abuse and nothing more.

‘Nellie called me a ‘cocksucker’ because she found out I was dating Florrie from the pickle factory!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 23, 2023

Mingemonger

Minge is a colloquial English term referring to a female’s pubic hair. Monger refers to any trading enterprise. A minge-monger is therefore a term of abuse used to describe a person who it is claimed sells the pubic hair of a ladies.

That disgusting bloke is an absolute mingemonger!

by Colonel Barnaby November 28, 2022

Invert

A polite term used in the 1950s and early 1960s to describe a male who is sexually attracted to his fellow men. It is a term that is rarely used today.

‘Lionel’s a fantastic hairdresser - he’s just a bit of an invert, that’s all! ‘

by Colonel Barnaby January 18, 2023

Coprolite

An archaeological term used to describe a fossilised piece of waste emitted from the rectum of an animal or human.

‘You are nothing more than a human coprolite, you worthless piece of dung!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 19, 2023

Hand-shandy

A sexual act carried out by all classes of society amongst males of solitary habits upon their own loins, or by a female upon the loins of a male. It involves the manual manipulation of the male organ in order to achieve sexual solace. This practise is very common. It is believed that the term refers to the white froth found floating on a glass of shandy (an alcoholic fizzy drink comprised of beer and lemonaide) and the similarities between this foam and the effluxion of sexual fluid that occurs during the moment of male solace.

‘Bert couldn’t wait to get in the back seat with Edna. She asked him if he wanted a hand-shandy!’

by Colonel Barnaby February 15, 2023

Cottaging

A term used by inverted men - both young and old- who like to frequent public lavatories (which they call ‘cottages’) in order to experience sexual solace.

‘Keep away from those toilets, Fred, it’s full of nine-bob-notes going cottaging!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 18, 2023

Spunk bubble

A definition of a young man who sees himself as being superior to those of older rank. It refers to the young male as someone who was a mere bubble of ejeculate when older, superior males were forging their way in the world. It is a term of derision and resentment upon the youth of today, who see going to the toilet and eating as their sole achievements in life.

‘So, you think that you know it all! When I was fighting in the army you were nothing more than a spunk bubble, you worthless, drug-crazed , chromium-plated retard!’

by Colonel Barnaby January 23, 2023