Colin Cummerbund's definitions

Doing a Searby

Going to the pub during your work lunch-break and consuming a meat pie and at least four pints of beer. The effect is doubled if the person doing a Searby has grey curly hair.

Oi, Dave. Are you going to the canteen for lunch?

No, I'm doing a Searby.

by Colin Cummerbund September 21, 2006

Feldman frotteurism

A specialised form of frotteurism which is performed in art galleries during a busy exhibition. The Feldman frotteur will then scrape his secretions from his y-fronts and add them to his paints. Usually done by aging yellow-haired ex-hippies.

So why were you put on the sex offenders' register?

I was caught committing Feldman frotteurism.

by Colin Cummerbund September 21, 2006

Non-regulation head-shape

A head-type sported by many civil servants, particularly Natural England employees.

Who's that?

That's Fenton, the new boss.

But he's got a non-regulation head-shape.

Haven't they all?

by Colin Cummerbund September 20, 2006

Briggsymunting

The act of trawling arty pubs for munters. The artist will chat up the munter then take her back to his place for deviant sex. In most cases the munter weighs well over 250 pounds.

What are you up to tonight, art boy?

Me? I'm off to Pastel for some Briggsymunting.

by Colin Cummerbund September 20, 2006

Briggsy's Art Police

Otherwise known as Briggsy's Gay Mafia. A bunch of pretentious artists who punish the non-arty. They march through cities and verbally abuse anyone who dares to walk past an art gallery without going in and jizzing their pants in artistic excitement. Briggsy's Art Police is made up of all the artists who have been anally pleasured by Briggsy and who worship the dwarf as their god.

Better not walk past Tate Modern without going in. Briggsy's Art Police will be patrolling and I don't fancy being harangued by a gaggle of mincing queers.

by Colin Cummerbund September 18, 2006

Briggsy Ploughman's

A hearty meal served in gay bars. Usually consists of a lump of mature nob cheese with arse pickle, thickly-sliced bread and pork pie with semen relish. Regional variations can include a rats-cock side dish with diarrhoea drizzle.

Come on Quentin, let's go to The Pink Dildo for a Briggsy Ploughman's. I'm bloody starving after that rimming session.

by Colin Cummerbund September 18, 2006

Double Briggsy

A homosexual act in which two men stand facing each other and roll the same rubber onto both erect cocks. They then violently agitate the rubber-encased twin saveloy until both queens have emptied their sacks. Named after Briggsy, the famous art guy and co-author of The Joy of Gay Sex.

Faggot: My hobbies are painting,ironing and doing the Double Briggsy.

by Colin Cummerbund September 14, 2006