Colin Cummerbund's definitions

Little Briggsy

An extremely irritating dwarf who is addicted to acne remedies and wanking to ABBA songs.

What do you call a deformed midget who cracks one off to "Dancing Queen"?

Little Briggsy?

You got it, Squire.

by Colin Cummerbund September 6, 2006

Briggsy's Kitchen

A television series shown on Channel 4. Loosely based on Hell's Kitchen it features the famous artist Briggsy as head chef. The contestants have to impress Briggsy by cooking meals using their own jizz. Briggsy tests all the dishes whilst playing with his little scabby cock. He awards points for taste and presentation. The winner is permitted to fellate Briggsy in Tate Modern whilst hundreds of onlookers cheer and shout arty slogans.

Are you off to Tate Modern, Quentin?

Certainly am, Benjy. The winner of Briggsy's Kitchen is receiving his prize this afternoon.

by colin cummerbund May 9, 2009

Briggsy's Special Lube

Acne pus. Used by pretentious artists as gay-love lube.

Briggsy: Why pay for vaseline when my beautiful face produces copious amounts of Briggsy's Special Lube free of charge?

by Colin Cummerbund October 18, 2006

Briggsy Ploughman's

A hearty meal served in gay bars. Usually consists of a lump of mature nob cheese with arse pickle, thickly-sliced bread and pork pie with semen relish. Regional variations can include a rats-cock side dish with diarrhoea drizzle.

Come on Quentin, let's go to The Pink Dildo for a Briggsy Ploughman's. I'm bloody starving after that rimming session.

by Colin Cummerbund September 18, 2006

Briggsy's Art Police

Otherwise known as Briggsy's Gay Mafia. A bunch of pretentious artists who punish the non-arty. They march through cities and verbally abuse anyone who dares to walk past an art gallery without going in and jizzing their pants in artistic excitement. Briggsy's Art Police is made up of all the artists who have been anally pleasured by Briggsy and who worship the dwarf as their god.

Better not walk past Tate Modern without going in. Briggsy's Art Police will be patrolling and I don't fancy being harangued by a gaggle of mincing queers.

by Colin Cummerbund September 18, 2006

Briggsy Brothel

A type of Brothel worked by only the oldest, ugliest and most disease-riddled prostitutes. These women can't do business with regular clients as they are so repulsive no one would pay for them. Instead they are condemned to a Briggsy Brothel where only the oldest, ugliest and most disease-riddled clients go. Regular prostitutes won't do business with these clients as they are so repellant. Thus the Briggsy Brothel matches up hideous hookers with repulsive johns. The BB is such a niche profession that the hookers are frequently idle. These disused prostitutional wastes pass the time by exchanging treasured possessions such as genital warts and fanny slugs.

What's that building the Dwarf's entering?

Aah that'll be a Briggsy Brothel.

by Colin Cummerbund September 8, 2006

Double Briggsy

A homosexual act in which two men stand facing each other and roll the same rubber onto both erect cocks. They then violently agitate the rubber-encased twin saveloy until both queens have emptied their sacks. Named after Briggsy, the famous art guy and co-author of The Joy of Gay Sex.

Faggot: My hobbies are painting,ironing and doing the Double Briggsy.

by Colin Cummerbund September 14, 2006