Definitions by Clark Graff
APPLEYTE
Appleyte (/ˈæp.ə.laɪt/) noun:
A consumer who displays an intense, often irrational, brand loyalty to Apple Inc., characterized by behaviors that mirror religious devotion.
An individual who views Apple product launches as sacred rituals, "Geniuses" as spiritual guides, and Apple Stores as modern-day temples or cathedrals.
Core Behaviors of an Appleyte
Apostolic Advocacy: Spreading the "gospel" of Apple's ecosystem through passionate word-of-mouth endorsements, often viewing non-users' choices as a personal affront or betrayal.
Theological Defense: Offering "religious apologetics" to justify high prices, removed features (like the headphone jack), or restrictive ecosystems as necessary for the "higher good" of the brand.
Ritualistic Consumption: Engaging in sacred private rituals like "unboxing" and public pilgrimages to wait in long lines for new releases.
Neurological Alignment: Demonstrating brain activity where Apple imagery triggers the same centers as religious iconography in traditional believers.
Cultural Context
Scholars note that Apple has successfully filled a "religious void" for many, using Steve Jobs as a messianic figure and the Apple logo as an "enchanted talisman". While many use the term "cult" tongue-in-cheek, the term Appleyte highlights the specific supplication and surrender to the brand's identity.
A consumer who displays an intense, often irrational, brand loyalty to Apple Inc., characterized by behaviors that mirror religious devotion.
An individual who views Apple product launches as sacred rituals, "Geniuses" as spiritual guides, and Apple Stores as modern-day temples or cathedrals.
Core Behaviors of an Appleyte
Apostolic Advocacy: Spreading the "gospel" of Apple's ecosystem through passionate word-of-mouth endorsements, often viewing non-users' choices as a personal affront or betrayal.
Theological Defense: Offering "religious apologetics" to justify high prices, removed features (like the headphone jack), or restrictive ecosystems as necessary for the "higher good" of the brand.
Ritualistic Consumption: Engaging in sacred private rituals like "unboxing" and public pilgrimages to wait in long lines for new releases.
Neurological Alignment: Demonstrating brain activity where Apple imagery triggers the same centers as religious iconography in traditional believers.
Cultural Context
Scholars note that Apple has successfully filled a "religious void" for many, using Steve Jobs as a messianic figure and the Apple logo as an "enchanted talisman". While many use the term "cult" tongue-in-cheek, the term Appleyte highlights the specific supplication and surrender to the brand's identity.
I opend my laptop on the conference desk during the opening moments of the big meeting. When I surveyed the others present and their laptops I realized that I will surrounded by Appleytes. I was doomed.
APPLEYTE by Clark Graff January 28, 2026
kardasholia
A condition related to the degradation of one's personality and thought processes when in close proximity of a Kardashian. It is currently under study to determine if this condition can be contracted by television transmission.
Bruce Jenner seemed to be a normal man until he spent too much time in the Kardashian world where he contracted Karasholia. This manifested itself in full blown Kardasholia with the removal of his weiner.
kardasholia by Clark Graff May 12, 2018
snifnotized
As soon as I walked up to that blonde girl at the bar, I was snifnotized. I was under her spell forever. (Or at least until I was out of range and took a shower)
snifnotized by Clark Graff September 22, 2010
Sphincterlicious
When something that you think should taste like ass, ends up tasting pretty good. Or anything metaphorically equal. As in you thought that was going to suck... but it didn't!
"Well Joe I thought having sex with that chubby girl was going to be a bad time but it turned out to be sphincterlicious."
Sphincterlicious by Clark Graff December 27, 2008
Sphinctler
Any type of human or animal shaped lawn or garden watering implement where the water is ejected out of the rear end (or sphincter) of the implement.
"Hey Joe I just got one of those new Yak style garden sphinctlers. It has amazing cheek compression, gets all the way to the driveway in one shot!"
Sphinctler by Clark Graff December 27, 2008
snivler
One who snivels rather than doing something.
Also a backbiting whinger. (Pronounced WIN-GER soft G)
Crybaby
Related to the brilliant snivel gear as one who wears snivel gear is in fact a snivler.
Also a backbiting whinger. (Pronounced WIN-GER soft G)
Crybaby
Related to the brilliant snivel gear as one who wears snivel gear is in fact a snivler.
snivler by Clark Graff May 24, 2006