Carl J. Maltese's definitions
Toasterphobia is the dreaded fear of sticking a fork into a toaster even after it's been unplugged....because sometimes the toaster remembers!
Mike: "Because of my severe toasterphobia, I have continuous nightmares about being chased by a giant toaster and a giant fork wearing running shoes!"
Art: "Dude, you're f**king wacked!!"
Art: "Dude, you're f**king wacked!!"
by Carl J. Maltese April 21, 2007
Get the toasterphobiamug. A nice job, if you can get it.
by Carl J. Maltese April 21, 2007
Get the blow jobmug. 1) A girl (or guy) who thinks they are a model, but in reality they are not. Usually they are just full-of-themselves, among other things!
2) A girl (or guy) who thinks they are a model, but really couldn't and shouldn't! They should take that money they were saving for Barbizon and go buy a mirror!
3) Any girl (or guy) who isn't pretty...they just look that way!!
2) A girl (or guy) who thinks they are a model, but really couldn't and shouldn't! They should take that money they were saving for Barbizon and go buy a mirror!
3) Any girl (or guy) who isn't pretty...they just look that way!!
"There was always that one girl we knew back in high school. The spoiled only-child type who practically smothered herself in makeup and nail polish and was too busy to so much as give you the time of day. She thought she was going to be a model, but in reality she was just another barbizombie, trapped in the endless night-of-the-living-depressed."
by Carl J. Maltese May 5, 2007
Get the barbizombiemug. Unemployment Office Person: "Name and occupation?"
Comicus: "Comicus, Stand-up Philosopher."
Unemployment Office Person: "A what?"
Comicus: "A Stand-up Philosopher. I take the collasence of daily life and produce anectdotes that have synonymous meaning with various people."
Unemployment Office Person: "Oh. A bullshit artist!"
Comicus: "Uh...Yeah."
Unemployment Office Person: "Well, did you bullshit today? Did you try to bullshit today? Try harder or we'll have to cut-off you payments. Next please!"
Comicus: "Comicus, Stand-up Philosopher."
Unemployment Office Person: "A what?"
Comicus: "A Stand-up Philosopher. I take the collasence of daily life and produce anectdotes that have synonymous meaning with various people."
Unemployment Office Person: "Oh. A bullshit artist!"
Comicus: "Uh...Yeah."
Unemployment Office Person: "Well, did you bullshit today? Did you try to bullshit today? Try harder or we'll have to cut-off you payments. Next please!"
by Carl J. Maltese April 12, 2007
Get the Stand-up philosophermug. Suposed homosexual porn movie about the life of Jesus Christ compared with a nameless contemporary man and their shared sexual tastes. Hotly sought-out and marked for destruction by the Religious Right, in reality there is NO SUCH MOVIE!!!
Rumours of such a movie have been circulating since the early 1970's. Said rumours were probably started amongst the Gay community for sole purpose of annoying the Moraly Indignant, and there was even a false review of it in a book about the "golden turkeys," aka the worst movies ever made. This, of course, only served to strengthing the Religious Right's resolve to find-and-burn!! It's review in said book of "golden turkeys" was actually part of a reader contest to find the one fake movie amongst the real "stinkers."
Despite endless (and fruitless) searches --and the truth being held in their collective faces-- certain members of the Religious Right still continue their sacred mission to find-and-destroy this non-existant movie!
Rumours of such a movie have been circulating since the early 1970's. Said rumours were probably started amongst the Gay community for sole purpose of annoying the Moraly Indignant, and there was even a false review of it in a book about the "golden turkeys," aka the worst movies ever made. This, of course, only served to strengthing the Religious Right's resolve to find-and-burn!! It's review in said book of "golden turkeys" was actually part of a reader contest to find the one fake movie amongst the real "stinkers."
Despite endless (and fruitless) searches --and the truth being held in their collective faces-- certain members of the Religious Right still continue their sacred mission to find-and-destroy this non-existant movie!
Bill: "Hey, man. You here about that gay-porn movie called "Him?" Some pretty freaky sheet happens in it!"
Tom: "Calm yourself down before you ruin your shorts. There is no such movie. It's all just a rumour going 'round."
Bill: "Really? Then what the hell was that video I was watching last night!?"
Tom: "You STILL have home video of my 16th birthday party!?"
Tom: "Calm yourself down before you ruin your shorts. There is no such movie. It's all just a rumour going 'round."
Bill: "Really? Then what the hell was that video I was watching last night!?"
Tom: "You STILL have home video of my 16th birthday party!?"
by Carl J. Maltese May 12, 2007
Get the Himmug. Suffolk County Community College (aka "The Ship of Fools").
Two campuses located in Suffolk County, Long Island, New York. One in Seldon and the other in Brentwood.
Six-one-way-half-a-dozen-the-other. Both are colossal wastes of time and money.
Junior college under an assumed name.
High school with ash-trays.
One would be better-off either: A) Trying a little harder to get into a real college, or, B) Finding a well-paying blue collar job!
Two campuses located in Suffolk County, Long Island, New York. One in Seldon and the other in Brentwood.
Six-one-way-half-a-dozen-the-other. Both are colossal wastes of time and money.
Junior college under an assumed name.
High school with ash-trays.
One would be better-off either: A) Trying a little harder to get into a real college, or, B) Finding a well-paying blue collar job!
"I wasted two years in SCCC and all I got to show for it is an unpaid student loan and a case of the clap!"
by Carl J. Maltese May 9, 2007
Get the SCCCmug. An out-doors game that incorporates the skill of horse-shoes with the thrill of terminal head injury.
"I was about to learn that you should never be on the receiving end in a game of 'catch the lawn darts'...."
by Carl J. Maltese November 1, 2007
Get the lawn dartsmug.