Carl J. Maltese's definitions
Unemployment Office Person: "Name and occupation?"
Comicus: "Comicus, Stand-up Philosopher."
Unemployment Office Person: "A what?"
Comicus: "A Stand-up Philosopher. I take the collasence of daily life and produce anectdotes that have synonymous meaning with various people."
Unemployment Office Person: "Oh. A bullshit artist!"
Comicus: "Uh...Yeah."
Unemployment Office Person: "Well, did you bullshit today? Did you try to bullshit today? Try harder or we'll have to cut-off you payments. Next please!"
Comicus: "Comicus, Stand-up Philosopher."
Unemployment Office Person: "A what?"
Comicus: "A Stand-up Philosopher. I take the collasence of daily life and produce anectdotes that have synonymous meaning with various people."
Unemployment Office Person: "Oh. A bullshit artist!"
Comicus: "Uh...Yeah."
Unemployment Office Person: "Well, did you bullshit today? Did you try to bullshit today? Try harder or we'll have to cut-off you payments. Next please!"
by Carl J. Maltese April 12, 2007
Get the Stand-up philosophermug. Suposed homosexual porn movie about the life of Jesus Christ compared with a nameless contemporary man and their shared sexual tastes. Hotly sought-out and marked for destruction by the Religious Right, in reality there is NO SUCH MOVIE!!!
Rumours of such a movie have been circulating since the early 1970's. Said rumours were probably started amongst the Gay community for sole purpose of annoying the Moraly Indignant, and there was even a false review of it in a book about the "golden turkeys," aka the worst movies ever made. This, of course, only served to strengthing the Religious Right's resolve to find-and-burn!! It's review in said book of "golden turkeys" was actually part of a reader contest to find the one fake movie amongst the real "stinkers."
Despite endless (and fruitless) searches --and the truth being held in their collective faces-- certain members of the Religious Right still continue their sacred mission to find-and-destroy this non-existant movie!
Rumours of such a movie have been circulating since the early 1970's. Said rumours were probably started amongst the Gay community for sole purpose of annoying the Moraly Indignant, and there was even a false review of it in a book about the "golden turkeys," aka the worst movies ever made. This, of course, only served to strengthing the Religious Right's resolve to find-and-burn!! It's review in said book of "golden turkeys" was actually part of a reader contest to find the one fake movie amongst the real "stinkers."
Despite endless (and fruitless) searches --and the truth being held in their collective faces-- certain members of the Religious Right still continue their sacred mission to find-and-destroy this non-existant movie!
Bill: "Hey, man. You here about that gay-porn movie called "Him?" Some pretty freaky sheet happens in it!"
Tom: "Calm yourself down before you ruin your shorts. There is no such movie. It's all just a rumour going 'round."
Bill: "Really? Then what the hell was that video I was watching last night!?"
Tom: "You STILL have home video of my 16th birthday party!?"
Tom: "Calm yourself down before you ruin your shorts. There is no such movie. It's all just a rumour going 'round."
Bill: "Really? Then what the hell was that video I was watching last night!?"
Tom: "You STILL have home video of my 16th birthday party!?"
by Carl J. Maltese May 12, 2007
Get the Himmug. A nice job, if you can get it.
by Carl J. Maltese April 21, 2007
Get the blow jobmug. Symbolic, alagorical name of that which is evil, bad, or wrong in certain novels, such as "Lord of the Flies."
"In 'Lord of the Flies' by William Golding, the character that represented evil was named 'Jack.' The character that represented good was named 'Roger,' and the character that represented order & rationality was named 'Piggy.'"
by Carl J. Maltese April 15, 2007
Get the Jackmug. Although the word "taser" is not an acronym, one particular model is labeled as: TActical System of Electrical Response.
Sort of completes the pantheon of great acronyms. Or somthing like that.
Sort of completes the pantheon of great acronyms. Or somthing like that.
Scenario 1-
Police Officer: "Halt eveil-doer, lest I be forced to use my TActical System of Elictrical Rosponse upon ye!"
Criminal: "Huh?"
Scenario 2:
Police officer: "Freeze scumbag!!" -sound of taser firing-
Criminal: "AAAaaagghhhh!"
Police Officer: "Halt eveil-doer, lest I be forced to use my TActical System of Elictrical Rosponse upon ye!"
Criminal: "Huh?"
Scenario 2:
Police officer: "Freeze scumbag!!" -sound of taser firing-
Criminal: "AAAaaagghhhh!"
by Carl J. Maltese March 29, 2007
Get the tasermug. Any sleazey looking, and knowingly disease infected girl/guy whoring themself on the streets.
Whoring on the streets usually limits access to soap and toothpaste.
"blood:" syn. w/ blood born diseases.
"skank:" syn. w/ dirty, unwashed, & skin conditions.
Whoring on the streets usually limits access to soap and toothpaste.
"blood:" syn. w/ blood born diseases.
"skank:" syn. w/ dirty, unwashed, & skin conditions.
"I made the mistake of picking-up a sleazy bloodskank whoring herself for crack money. Now, all the soap and toothpaste in creation won't clean my disease infected crotch!"
by Carl J. Maltese March 28, 2007
Get the bloodskankmug. >...:"What do you think you are looking at right now! What are you, some kind of smart-ass? Now log-off, get back to work and quit fooling around!!":...<
"In one of Mr. Webster's early editions of his dictionary, he defined "freedom" as: '...deviation from the norm!'"
by Carl J. Maltese April 30, 2007
Get the dictionarymug.