Bottom Ford, Esq's definitions

caesarean haircut

1. A short hair style, with the hair combed forward (in some cases to disguise a receding hairline), effecting a resemblance to various busts or portraits of Caesar.

2. A surgical procedure that removes some of the baby’s hair during birth.

“Look! A caesarean haircut!”
“I did it myself with barber clippers.”

“That newborn looks unreasonably stylish.”
“He got a caesarean haircut.”

by Bottom Ford, Esq December 29, 2010

swim johns

Swimwear with long sleeves and pants, like long johns, for swimming. Designed for sun protection and/or modesty.

Meet me in Hawaii. I’ll be the girl wearing swim johns.

by Bottom Ford, Esq December 13, 2010

scat signing

A series of gestures that look as if they should be meaningful but are actually complete nonsense.

“Bottom dances pretty cool, but what’s he doing with his hands?”
“He can’t sing, so must resort to scat signing.”

by Bottom Ford, Esq December 17, 2010

don't ask don't smell

Something you can say after expelling some noisome bodily gas, fluid or solid in the presence of others.

“Pee-yoo! Who did that?”
“Don't ask don't smell.”

by Bottom Ford, Esq December 25, 2010

potty animal

Someone for whom partying must include numerous, almost rhythmic bathroom breaks.

“You going to the can again, Bottom?”
“Don’t you know I’m a potty animal?”

by Bottom Ford, Esq December 27, 2010

paragaffe

The social offense of wasting people’s time by blathering on for a whole paragraph when a short sentence would suffice.

“All I wanted to know was whether Bottom is still smoking. He wrote back a whole paragaffe about why it’s none of my business and smoking is not a problem for him.”

by Bottom Ford, Esq May 16, 2011

Fringe binge

Watching “Fringe” for hours because the DVDs from Netflix are piling up.

“What movies did we get?”
“Prepare for a Fringe binge.”

by Bottom Ford, Esq November 7, 2010