Definitions by AKACroatalin
The Long Arm of Coincidence
This is a phrase coined by C Haddon Chambers and it can be taken to mean either :-
1. The broad far-reaching power or influence of coincidence;
or
2. Things just happen;
Note: See also Shit Happens
1. The broad far-reaching power or influence of coincidence;
or
2. Things just happen;
Note: See also Shit Happens
Why is it that everything Malcolm does turns to rat shit?
That's because it's Malcolm, not even the long arm of coincidence.
That's because it's Malcolm, not even the long arm of coincidence.
The Long Arm of Coincidence by AKACroatalin August 23, 2020
Woke
The word was probably first used in 1942 by J Saunders Redding, but it is possible that it was used before this. When Redding used it, he intended it to mean stay alert for injustices or discrimination. Unfortunately it is now being used as a tool to discriminate against white people, or anything else that the Chattering Classes, Snowflakes or political opportunists find unacceptable.
Woke by AKACroatalin August 18, 2020
ACSO
Acronym standing for Amazon Can Sod Off. Used when Amazon pull one of their usual dirty tricks like freezing your PayPal account, reneging on a delivery slot. You think you can’t live without it? Guess again, search and you’ll find better, cheaper and more reliable outlets. Remember, Amazon has but one purpose, to make lots and lots of money for Jeff Bezos.
ACSO by AKACroatalin December 17, 2019
Swinson’s Law
One step on from Malcolm’s Law, Swinson’s Law states that if something can go wrong, it will go wrong, in the worst possible way, at the worst possible time and will all sorts of unforeseen and unpleasant fallout effects. Named after Jo Swinson who appeared from political obscurity in UK as Leader of the Liberal Democrats and announced that if she got into power she would reverse the decision to leave the European Union in contravention of the will of the British people, not very liberal or democratic. A rather silly woman who would be out of her depth in a car park puddle.
“Malcolm says he just loves Jo Swinson and hopes she gets into power.”
“No surprise there, Swinson’s law compared to Malcolm's law makes him look good.”
“No surprise there, Swinson’s law compared to Malcolm's law makes him look good.”
Swinson’s Law by AKACroatalin November 3, 2019
Fart Fact 14
This is the very last one in the series but every single one of them is true! This one tells you that farting isn't rude or disgusting. It may seem that way because they usually smell bad, but it's just something a healthy human body does, a normal by-product of your body digesting food, so if you need to let one go, do it and if anyone objects fuck ‘em.
“Mikey let rip in class, teacher called him on it, so he explained fart Fact 14 to her and suggested if she was worried she should see her doctor. I nearly bust a gut trying not to laugh.”
Fart Fact 14 by AKACroatalin November 3, 2019
Fart Fact 13
Holding in a fart won’t harm you. You're not going to explode or damage your gut, but sooner or later your body is going to get rid of that gas, so why not consider letting it go when it will have the most effect.
“Mikey got slung out of church!”
“Why?”
“Well, he knew fart fact 13 and was holding one in. The vicar got up to do the sermon and his text was from Proverbs, ‘I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon’ and Mikey let it go!”
“What happened?”
“Half of the people were outraged and half were pissing themselves, and Mikey got slung out.”
“Why?”
“Well, he knew fart fact 13 and was holding one in. The vicar got up to do the sermon and his text was from Proverbs, ‘I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon’ and Mikey let it go!”
“What happened?”
“Half of the people were outraged and half were pissing themselves, and Mikey got slung out.”
Fart Fact 13 by AKACroatalin November 1, 2019