AKACroatalin's definitions

Shit Machine

An alternative name for a dog; it doesn’t matter if it’s a pedigree or a mongrel, it comes from the old saying “a dog is a machine for turning food into dog and dog shit, but once it’s full grown it doesn’t produce dog anymore.” Strictly speaking it’s not the dogs’ fault but is due to irresponsible owners who fail to clean up after their animals.

I hope you’re going to clean up after your shit machine.

by AKACroatalin December 1, 2015

Rip your head off and shit down your neck

As can be gathered from the expression, it indicates a state of intense anger and annoyance, so much so that the person making the threat is ready, willing and able to inflict physical pain and degradation upon the person who has annoyed them. While it may not literally result in the removal of the offenders head and defecating into the stump, it will usually result in physical violence and a humbling of the person who caused the offence.
The expression that is believed to have originated with the British Royal Navy. It gradually became used within all branches of the armed forces and later spread to the civilian organisations associated with them before obtaining wider usage.

"Malcolm if you don't fuck off I'm going to rip your head off and shit down your neck!"

by AKACroatalin March 19, 2015

Gypsy

It means to urinate or micturate and has two possible derivations, both from Cockney Rhyming Slang:-
1 Gypsy Kiss = Piss;
2 Gypsy Rose Lee = Pee;

"Where's Mike?"
"He's gone for a Gypsy."
"Well, let's hope he's not too long, it's his round."

by AKACroatalin May 30, 2022

Monkey Fucking

Adjective used to refer to a person usually male who will have sex with any woman. Someone who is so indiscriminate that they would fuck a female monkey. Eventually its use was broadened so that it became used to describe anyone whose habits are unpleasant, unsavoury or just plain weird.

"Malcolm, you are, without doubt, the most useless cunt eyed, shit-licking, monkey fucking, piss-brained, ass kissing, fuck witted WOSP in the world!"

by AKACroatalin March 28, 2015

Counterproductive Workplace Behaviour

This is behaviour on the part of an employee or employees that works against the legitimate interests of the organisation that employs them or indeed their own interests. This sort of behaviour is detrimental to the organisation, its employees, clients and customers. It is believed that persons with a tendency to experience anger are more likely to respond to a stressful situation, such as being treated unfairly with counterproductive workplace behaviour.

When the supervisor blamed Charlie for his own mistake, Charlie deliberately jammed all three photocopiers in a fit of counterproductive workplace behaviour.

by AKACroatalin June 11, 2015

Fart Fact 12

Believe it or not your arse can tell whether you are going to fart or crimp off a length! The nerves in your rectum can tell whether it’s gas or solids on the move so if you need to let it go, let it go. There is, however, one exception; when you have a case of the runs, Kansas Quickstep if you prefer, and your crap is more liquid, the nerve endings can become confused which can result in a follow through.

“I know Fart Fact 12 says it’s not possible, but when Malcolm farts, it always smells like he he’s crapped himself.”

by AKACroatalin October 31, 2019

Oonch Fancier

British slang from the 1950s thought to have originated in East Anglia and meaning a lesbian. The word oonch is thought to have derived from the dialect pronunciation of 'conch' and was used as a slang name for the vagina due to the resemblance of the opening of the female genitalia to the opening of a conch shell. Thus a lesbian became an oonch fancier.

"Ah! I wouldn't mind a bit of that!"
"Forget it boy! She's an oonch fancier."

by AKACroatalin April 10, 2015