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Definitions by A random piece of cardboard

Television 

A way of hypnotising your room mates
uhhhh.... uhhhh.... i'm being hypnotised by the television
A way to store liquids, or put on someones head...or your own...head
ohhh... a bucket! i'll put it on my own head!
A string instrument, but formally known as a percussion instrument even though it has strings, because people are stupid idiots
I play the piano...terribly
An alien device that is somehow used to tell time? Seriously how am I supposed to read that?
How do i use clocks again? Like there is a short one? and a long one? what to those have to do with time?
I used my car to ram over a human! I'mma gonna do that a few more times.
The object that you look at every 2 seconds and also has flashy light shining
I need to look at my phone.........OWWW! oh, I bumped on a light pole... oh, phone, phone, phone.