3 definitions by 2Bears-in-a-trap
The act of 'fiddling' enhanced by cyber (or other) technology to produce larger, faster, deeper and/or more wide ranging results. Similar to 'phishing' or 'phreaking'.
As John gave Simon a tour of the bank he remarked on how IT was revolutionising the business. "In the old days we had to fiddle the accounts manually. But new technology means we can phiddle the books digitally. In fact a single phiddling computer can do thousands of man-hours of traditional fiddling. And if we get caught, we just blame it on a computer glitch. No more oinks from accounts blubbing to the securities commission to get out of some jail time."
---
When Little Johny's dad found out he had been virtually molested online, he called the local police and they asked them to come down to the station to make a statement.
"Where did the pedo touch you son?" enquired the gruff and be-moustached Police Sergeant as he started polishing his truncheon.
"You don't understand." replied Johny's dad. "He was phiddled with".
"Fiddled with?" said the policeman,
"No, phiddled with, on the internet. Like being phished but it has warped his fragile little mind." Johny's dad explained.
"You do understand that, as this is a verbal exchange, I can't actually tell the difference between fiddled with and phiddled with unless you over pronounce the 'ph'. It is probably best you say, 'phiddled with a P.H.' to prevent this confusion in the future. I'll have to send you down to our cyber crime division. They deal with all the 'ph' around here. I will get their number for you." The Police Sergeant turned away and seemed disgruntled as he put his truncheon back in the draw.
---
When Little Johny's dad found out he had been virtually molested online, he called the local police and they asked them to come down to the station to make a statement.
"Where did the pedo touch you son?" enquired the gruff and be-moustached Police Sergeant as he started polishing his truncheon.
"You don't understand." replied Johny's dad. "He was phiddled with".
"Fiddled with?" said the policeman,
"No, phiddled with, on the internet. Like being phished but it has warped his fragile little mind." Johny's dad explained.
"You do understand that, as this is a verbal exchange, I can't actually tell the difference between fiddled with and phiddled with unless you over pronounce the 'ph'. It is probably best you say, 'phiddled with a P.H.' to prevent this confusion in the future. I'll have to send you down to our cyber crime division. They deal with all the 'ph' around here. I will get their number for you." The Police Sergeant turned away and seemed disgruntled as he put his truncheon back in the draw.
by 2Bears-in-a-trap June 27, 2021
Whilst walking hand in hand along the canal, Clara complained her hands were cold. Stefan pulled Clara close to him, pushed her hand into the cleft of his bottom and released a deeply brewed air biscuit onto her cold hands. As Clara recoiled from this indignation, Stefan responded "It is common to use a dutch handwarmer if you have forgotten your gloves."
by 2Bears-in-a-trap November 12, 2020
A poo so voluminous and energetic that it is literally everywhere. In practise, it is mostly used to describe a poo done by a baby or toddler that squirts out of the back of the nappy and is spreads to various places in the vicinity. Omnipoos are particularly difficult to deal with as they have a habit of spreading about when you try and change the child, particularly if the child is a wriggler. Omnipoos normally have a sticky and liquid quality about them, facilitating the spread of the fecal matter around the area. It some respects they can be compared to liquid hydrogen as it approaches absolute zero and becomes a super fluid, but there is nothing super about an omnipoo, although they could be used to deter crime. Omnipoo is synonymous with omniturd, omnishit, omnicrap, omnipoop, omnimerde, omnidung, omnistool or omninumbertwo.
Omnipoo can also be used to describe a mistake or mess so bad that it literally covers everything in crap.
Omnipoo can also be used to describe a mistake or mess so bad that it literally covers everything in crap.
Simon's date with Helen was going swimmingly, although there was a slight stink in the air. Simon paid it no mind as he finally thought he had found the one. That point in the evening had come when it was time to settle the bill. Helen had suggested going back to her place as Simon reached for his wallet. He held Helen's gaze as he pulled out a fresh £50 note and placed it done on the table. Helen squinted and started sniffing at a pungent order. Simultaneously they looked down to see a large brown gooey mess covering one end of the note. Simon saw the brown mess on his hands also, and the table. Helen covered her mouth and ran to the toilets never to be seen again.
"What is her problem?" the waiter asked
"I was round at my sister's before I came out. It looks like he did an omnipoo."
"What is her problem?" the waiter asked
"I was round at my sister's before I came out. It looks like he did an omnipoo."
by 2Bears-in-a-trap October 20, 2021