hedberg

An escalator that is temporarily stairs.

An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
-Mitch Hedberg

by !JayAm! December 02, 2018

alzies

A fun and new way to refer to Alzheimer’s Disease

Mom (Pointing at her purse): Can you please hand me my... uhh...my, uhh.....
Son and Daughter simultaneously: Alzies!

by !JayAm! January 09, 2021

threefill

When you finished your beer, shot, and water, and want some more.

Hot bartender: Can I get ya anything else, hon?

Me: Yeah, I'll take a threefill, please.

by !JayAm! August 27, 2017

January Christmas

Dad is very sorry but his paycheck for the last job won’t come in until January so we won’t have gifts on Dec. 25. They’ll be just a few weeks late I promise.

<Late December>
8yo Me: Dad, you’re so late. I missed you.

Best dad ever: I missed you too. Just trying to get this job done so I’ve been working late.

Me: but you won’t have to work Christmas like last year will ya?
BDE: No, son, I’ll be here. But since I didn’t finish the job I won’t get paid before Xmas. But I’ll get paid in a few weeks and we’ll celebrate then. Well just have a January Christmas. Ok?
Me: that’s fine dad. I understand.

by !JayAm! December 13, 2021

stomach filler

Any food you ritually eat when you're not hungry but feel like eating for no reason.

Ethan: They say carrots are a bad stomach filler because they are surprisingly high in sugar.
Hawke: What's a "stomach filler"?
Ethan: Look it up on Urban Dictionary, you goddamn retard!

by !JayAm! December 17, 2020