Jake surreptitiously looked up and down the many aisles of chairs as he waited for his plane to arrive at the gate. Passenger assessment is an essential part of flying these days. he rationalized.

In the morning, I awoke with a spark in my ass, so I decided to run two miles, at the highschool track.

"Do you want to come over and, uh, play Trivial Pursuit?"

Duder 1: "Hey man nice closet. What's with all the robes?"

Duder 2: "You know I like to be comfortable AND stylin' 24/7."

Duder 1: "Wow you have a complete line of hugh wear up in here. Now all you need are some skeezy blondes."

After years of bad relationships with men, he finally found a woman he loved enough to want to marry.

Each time I see someone driving and talking on the phone I say to myself something's got to be done about these dangerous people; but nothing ever is. They just keep motoring along playing Blackberry roulette until one day their carelessness alters the life of an innocent.

Beef: "See you later masturbator"
Jack: "In a while, pedophile"