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touching cloth 

when the turtle head of ones faeces pretudes to the extent that it touches the cloth which comprises ones underwear. A crude expression with a mighty impact.
-"I am ever so glad i wore baggy boxer shorts today".
-"really egbert why is that".
-well humbert to be quite frank i am touching cloth.
-oh you are desperate to empty your bowels and are finding it hard to keep the turtles head under reigns.
-quite, and now i am afraid the turtles head has broken through my anal gates and is causing one great discomfort.
-i see, well it is lucky you are wearing spacious boxer shorts for if you were wearing y fronts the turtle may have been crushed resulting in a mess in ones pants.
-never mind i am starting to quite enjoy the sensation it is similar to when you insert your penis through my cheeks to the brown.
-oh well i dont know why you are complaining in that case it would be more like a terrapin head as my penis is terribly small due to the inbred nature of my family.
-dont beat yourself up you make up for it with your 11 fingers.
touching cloth by gallipoli December 12, 2004

Touching cloth 

A saying that is used when someone has waited FAR too long to have a shit. It
verbalises the possible condition that the lead end of a shit has protruded beyond the opening of the anus and has made contact with their undergarment.
I need to find a bathroom right now.. I'm TOUCHING CLOTH
Touching cloth by Iam Hawk January 17, 2008

Touching Cloth 

When you are struggling to hold in a poo, and its tip has breached the sphincter and is touching your underwear.
Dude, I've gotta get to a toilet quick, I'm touching cloth here!
Touching Cloth by jambomuffin March 23, 2009

touching cloth 

When the prairrie dog pops it head out of the burrow and is almost headbutting the undergarments.The time immediately preceeding the arrival of a brown trout
fuck i'm touching cloth.We'd better find a toilet soon or i'll lay a nest of dogs eggs in my fucking strides
touching cloth by Matt February 29, 2004

turtlehead touching cloth 

When you need a poo so badly your poo is pocking out your ass and nearly about to drop on your pants.
i need to go to the toilet i have a, turtlehead touching cloth

touching cloth 

When the head of your brown trout is appearing unbidden on-deck. When the nose of the turtle's head is beginning to rub on the undergarments you are currently wearing.
I'm sorry your Majesty, I may have to leave abruptly as I'm touching cloth...
More from Urban Dictionary

countrypolitan 

Term used to describe someone who is a mix of both rural (country) and urban (metropolitan) lifestyles/upbringings. He/she is typically equally comfortable in both settings and is able to seamlessly slip back and forth between the two, appreciating the characteristics of each.
That ol' gal of mine drives the 12 lane freeway during the week and a John Deere on the weekends. She likes opra and the Grand Ol' Opry. I love them countrypolitan women.
countrypolitan by MOChick November 7, 2006
Word of the Day on November 1, 2026

Witch Bath 

A bath consisting of a variety of slats, oils, soaps or any other added ingredients such as fruits, milks, herbs or any other spices for health or beautifying benifits.
She brought home alot of stuff and took it to the bathroom. She must be taking a witch bath.
Witch Bath by carnieboy30 October 26, 2020
Word of the Day on October 31, 2026

kinktober 

An excuse for people to write porn with different types of kinks throughout the month of October.

Smut Fanfiction
That chick doesn't write often but when she does, its for Kinktober.
kinktober by Kinkiest July 12, 2018
Word of the Day on October 30, 2026

proper lad 

a lad that is such a lad that he is a proper lad
person1:did you see bob
person2: ya he was a proper lad
Word of the Day on October 29, 2026
The number of years you are still sexually active
While our lifespan is the number of years we will live, our healthspan is the number of healthy years we will have and our sexspan is is the number of years we will continue to be healthy enough to continue having an active sex life.
sexspan by Dr Kat April 21, 2022
Word of the Day on October 28, 2026
A lighthearted reaction upon receiving disappointing news of some sort. Usually something that isn't a particularly a big deal, esp. when it primarily affects someone else - sort of a mild schadenfreude. Sometimes doubled or tripled, and possibly said in a sing-songy voice for added comedic effect to imitate a muted trumpet, which is how the meme originated.
You didn't get any napkins with your takeout pork fried rice? Womp womp.
womp by 175623226 November 3, 2011
Word of the Day on October 27, 2026
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