A Smart-Retard is a certain person who is often incredibly intelligent in one major category of their life but a complete retard in another (business, family, social,etc)
Joseph is such a smart-retard ... He is incredibly smart when it comes to business and dealing with finances, but is a total retard when it comes to supporting his family.
While our lifespan is the number of years we will live, our healthspan is the number of healthy years we will have and our sexspan is is the number of years we will continue to be healthy enough to continue having an active sex life.
A lighthearted reaction upon receiving disappointing news of some sort. Usually something that isn't a particularly a big deal, esp. when it primarily affects someone else - sort of a mild schadenfreude. Sometimes doubled or tripled, and possibly said in a sing-songy voice for added comedic effect to imitate a muted trumpet, which is how the meme originated.