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seat protector 

A large rounded piece of tissue paper that is designed to be placed over a toilet seat to protect the shitter from "germs" that may be residing there. The rounded section lies on top of the toilet seat (thus creating the essential Buttock-porcelain Barrier) while a cutout center flap hangs down into the toilet causing the entire paper to be sucked into the toilet when it is flushed. Seat protectors are typically contained in a dispenser on the wall of a public bathroom stall in such venues as airports and offices.
Note that the Buttock-Porcelain Barrier provided by the seat protector creates a false sense of security since someone else's bodily fluid on the toilet seat can leak right through the S.P.'s thin, porous surface. I doubt germs are foiled either.
Toilet User: Damn these seat protectors! I can't get one out of the dispenser without ripping it!

Toilet User: Ugh! Who keeps using 20 seat protectors at a time and clogging the handicap stall?
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no lube, no protection, all night all day, from the kitchen floor to the toilet seat, from the dining table to the church, from the front porch to the balcony, vertically, horizontally, quadratic, he can top me

no lube, no protection, all night all day, from the kitchen floor to the toilet seat, from the dining table to the church, from the front porch to the balcony, vertically, horizontally, quadratic, he can top me is a saying that is usually uttered when someone or something is incredibly attractive, hot, or sexy.
no lube, no protection, all night all day, from the kitchen floor to the toilet seat, from the dining table to the church, from the front porch to the balcony, vertically, horizontally, quadratic, he can top me. - Twitter User