Reverse Vampires (RVs)
love the daylight and the morning hours. RVs promptly go to
bed at sun-down, stopping all communication with others until the following morning.
Many RVs are tan with lighter colored hair. HOWEVER, as recently discovered by a young
Boston native- some RVs retain their pale
skin because all of the
orange pigment migrates to the cranial end of the creature- thus creating an even-more fierce breed of Ginger-Vamp (or Reverse Ginger-Vamp).
As predicted, RVs do not draw blood from their victims. They much prefer having their own necks sucked and nibbled upon. In an effort to appear as animalistic and blood-
thirsty as their
vampire counterparts, RVs have been known to stain their own hands with cherry
juice for intimidation.
Lastly, RVs
don’t have fangs, cannot
fly, ARE able to see their own reflection, and
love garlic… Truly frightening!
In rare cases, RVs have been known to say “goodnight” when appropriate response would be “hello” or “good morning”. This defiant display of word-jargon is a direct act of spite against social norms, and is a sure-tell sign of a RV encounter.
If you do happen to stumble upon a RV (or God forbid, a Reverse Ginger-Vamp) be sure to get on their good side by displaying whimsical, unpredictable behavior, continuously telling dorky jokes to make them laugh, claiming to be (at least) ¾ gay as to mask obvious attraction to the creature, and keeping a minimum distance of 2,600 miles (or 4,200 km for our Canadian readers).
My date last night was sick! She loved my Italian cooking, and after that we made out for hours. I hickie’d that girl up, she loved it. It was
awesome!
RE: Sounds like a good time, bro.
Its
weird though, at 8 o’clock she passed out mid-conversation and texted me “goodnight” when she woke up this morning at the ass-crack of dawn…
RE: Holy shit dude, you better watch yourself. That chick sounds like Reverse Vampire! You better send her a teddy
bear or somethin’, cause those things are crazy!!!
