MUNingitis is a contagious and chronic disease. It spreads just by existence - it does not need a medium. Popular mediums are position papers and chits. It is often spread when conferences of Model
United Nations are held all
around the world.
Several symptoms of the disease involve:
- Sudden need to wear formal clothes. This involves coats, suits and flashy looking ties with tiepins, and snazzy watches of various brands. Women don't count here. They can wear what they want and pass it off as formal.(Yes, I know, it's disgusting.)
- A sudden overuse of words undiscovered and unused in the English
vocabulary.
- You will often hear the terms "position papers", "delegate" and "motion to" from these victims.
- Often spotted with cheese sandwich for lunch for lack of time for the next session.
- Very vehement about the problems of the world. These often include
unrealistic interpretations of the position of several African countries. Often uses
global warming as a cover for any screwup.
- Believes the world must be saved, and no, the
second law of thermodynamics does not apply.
- At times of sneezing uniquely uses a handkerchief to block the particles, wipes their nose saying it's cleaner to use a handkerchief, and smartly puts the dirty handkerchief to rot in the
trouser pocket.
- Eats non vegetarian food while saving the world.
- Believes they are a primordial society who preside over the uncivilized ones with no idea of the world. Often people with (literally) big heads are seen at the top of the MUN ladder.
There are several cures to this disease.
Cure 1:
1. Take a hammer, wipe it with ethanol.
2. Capture an infected victim of MUNingitis and hit them softly on the head.
3. If the victim responds in pain, do not proceed with the next step.
4. If the victim responds with a vehement swearword, rub the ethanol over their face saying "cool down".
5. If this does not work break their heads with the hammer. This should aid them to clear out the hot air in their head.
Case 2:
1. At the lunchroom, guard the doors. Let all those who are not in formal attires to pass.
2. Sit the victims down and explain to them their situation.
3. If they react violently, explain to them it will all be soon taken care off.
4. Release
laughing gas all over the lunchroom.
5. Lock the doors and run away.
6. Return 2 hours later and retrieve what's left of the victims.
These two methods are guaranteed successes according to many doctors. There are many satisfied victims who are free from their Model United Nations bounds.
If you find any MUNingitis infected individual, please contact your nearest hospital - a mental asylum preferred.
