a sexual act designed to tell a story through symbolic devices: specifically in this
case, that story is the history of Canada. As an element of foreplay, the man pours some maple
syrup on the woman's body, and licks it off of her abdomen, breasts, nipples, and vulva in that respective order. In honor of Samuel De Champlain's voyage by canoe through Lake Nipissing, the man rubs is
penis lengthwise along the woman's vulva, and she bears down hard to spray his genitals with her urine. Then the man and woman perform oral sex on each other, burying their faces in each other's pubic hair, representing the fur trade. The man has intercourse with the woman doggy style, while slapping her buttocks vigorously, representing the French and Indian Wars. He also fists the woman's vagina; however she subsequently fists the man's anus; this exchange represents the War of 1812. After this point in
history, Canada is known mostly for participatory, but not pivotal roles in
world affairs. Therefore, any combination of missionary position and
fingering are used to bring the woman to
orgasm, representing the post-WWII prosperity of the country. Finally, the man ejaculates all over the woman's
face, representing the sovereignty of Quebec.
Wife: I just feel like there isn't any excitement in our sex life, eh.
Husband: I think it's that we just don't have enough energy after all our other responsibilities, eh, the
kids,
work.
Marriage Counselor: Like I haven't heard that a trillion
fucking times, eh!! You two should learn Canada's History like any responsible citizens would! Now get the fuck out and fuck!!!
