A goonwife is a type of trophy wife that has extremely sexualized features, usually the result of significant plastic surgery, that largely resembles a stereotypical MILF pornstar. They exist purely for the sexual gratification of their partner and usually lean into this by dressing in provocative or revealing clothing. Goonwives are commonly desired by divorced Baby Boomer and early Gen X fathers who want a new partner that resembles the women they goon to on their computer after their wives left them, hence the name "goonwife". The goonwife is the opposite of the tradwife because they exist as a sexual object rather than a homemaker and bearer of children.
Guy 1: "Hey man did you see Jeff Bezos's new girlfriend? She's way hotter than his ex."
Guy 2: "Yeah man, she's a textbook goonwife; you can tell by all of the obvious implants and injections"
Guy 2: "Yeah man, she's a textbook goonwife; you can tell by all of the obvious implants and injections"
by SpudsMackenzie068 January 24, 2025
A woman to whom you most reliably or consistently goon, to the point of a certain loyalty being established. Likely, the gooner has fallen in love with the woman, who is typically but not always, a celebrity or e-girl. The excessive, masturbatory evolution of, but not limited to, ‘the celebrity crush.’
I wouldn’t say I haven’t jerked it to another girl now and then, but Charli D’Amelio is without a doubt my goonwife. I can’t get enough of her.
by Paul Zoinker March 13, 2024