Crittering, now an extremely prestigious and rewarding sport, was born of several ingenious high schoolers at Wellsboro Area High
School, which is located in northern Pennsylvania. This sport, which most heavily relies on booze, involves driving backroads all night, listening to 80's
music, consuming exorbitant amounts of alcohol, and then when the
time comes, running over and beating wild animals to
death with sticks. The typical animal would be either a porcupine, an opposum, a rabbit, or skunk if we are feeling that
hard (We usually are) The conventional weapon of choice is an object that is both heavy and blunt: medieval maces, axe handles,
baseball bats, pieces of chairs with nails through them, and finally the most glorious of all weapons, the two-by-four. Camaraderie, self-sacrifice (Ed), and vehicular-sacrifice (also Ed) are also large components of crittering. When it comes down to it we just
hate PETA and beat hippies. "For every animal you don't eat we're going to beat three."
"My god man, I can't believe how far that opossum flew through the
air when you punted it. Crittering is the best sport on the planet!"
"It's not that I
hate animals...I just really despise
PETA."
"OPOSSUM!!!"
