Someone who dresses fancy and has no personal hygiene usually keeps pizza laying on his or her face. Acts like a total douche to his or her friends when the other sex is present. Acts immature but when his or her friends act immature he or she goes ape shit and tells them to be mature.
Alan and friends were walking down the street and a chick walks by and Alan acts like a Cranfill
While our lifespan is the number of years we will live, our healthspan is the number of healthy years we will have and our sexspan is is the number of years we will continue to be healthy enough to continue having an active sex life.
A lighthearted reaction upon receiving disappointing news of some sort. Usually something that isn't a particularly a big deal, esp. when it primarily affects someone else - sort of a mild schadenfreude. Sometimes doubled or tripled, and possibly said in a sing-songy voice for added comedic effect to imitate a muted trumpet, which is how the meme originated.