DOCTOR: Sir, your physical exam is fine, but your COVID test is positive, meaning you are an asymptomatic COVID carrier. Do you wear a mask?
ME: Asswhaaahh, bruh? Naw, I feel good! How a mask gonna help? My ass ain’t infected!
DOCTOR: I wouldn’t recommend wearing it there. You strike me as a pleasant, but obnoxiously stubborn man. As an ASS-CO (Asymptomatic COVID) carrier, you’ll need to quarantine yourself for two weeks and wear a mask more consistently, to prevent the airborne spread of COVID. Also take these pills.
ME: Quarra-what? Ass Mask whaaa? Masks kill people! Nobody wore a mask and lived, EVER! Masks are just a fuckin conspiracy from the MMI (mask manufacturing illuminati). …wut Pills?
DOCTOR: Magic Brain Pills (MBPs) that will temporarily make you smart enough to wear the ASS-CO mask over your mouth AND nose. As we cheerfully say in healthcare, “Don’t be a dumb cunt who can’t wear a mask correctly!”
ME: Asswhaaahh, bruh? Naw, I feel good! How a mask gonna help? My ass ain’t infected!
DOCTOR: I wouldn’t recommend wearing it there. You strike me as a pleasant, but obnoxiously stubborn man. As an ASS-CO (Asymptomatic COVID) carrier, you’ll need to quarantine yourself for two weeks and wear a mask more consistently, to prevent the airborne spread of COVID. Also take these pills.
ME: Quarra-what? Ass Mask whaaa? Masks kill people! Nobody wore a mask and lived, EVER! Masks are just a fuckin conspiracy from the MMI (mask manufacturing illuminati). …wut Pills?
DOCTOR: Magic Brain Pills (MBPs) that will temporarily make you smart enough to wear the ASS-CO mask over your mouth AND nose. As we cheerfully say in healthcare, “Don’t be a dumb cunt who can’t wear a mask correctly!”
by Magic Brain Pills September 6, 2020
DOCTOR: Sir, your physical exam is fine, but your COVID test is positive, meaning you are asymptomatic COVID carrier.
ME: Whaat, bruh? Naw, I feel good! I ain’t infected! What am I infected with?
DOCTOR: COVID, the test was for COVID. You are infected. With the COVID virus.
ME: That’s some bullshit! That ain’t me! I’m good, baby! 100% Beastmode!!
DOCTOR: Sorry sir, but the tests are accurate. You are an asymptomatic COVID carrier and you are at risk of infecting others.
ME: you ain't hearing me? Beast-fuckin’-Mode!
DOCTOR: You’ll need to quarantine yourself and wear a mask more consistently, to prevent the spread of COVID.
ME: Quara-what? Mask whaaa? Masks kill people! Nobody wore a mask and lived, EVER! You want me to die? Thought you was a doctor?!
DOCTOR: MmmKay. Sir. If I may...?
1) stop being a little bitch.
2) think about others you might infect.
3) wear your fucking mask, you bitchass fucktard.
4) Where my copay at, son???
ME: It’s just a fuckin conspiracy from the MMI (mask manufacturing illuminati)…fucking masks…
DOCTOR: Oh, and the mask covers you mouth AND YOUR NOSE. Because the COVID virus is up in your nose. So cover your fucking nose, Captain Beastmode. Stethoscope droppppp!!
ME: Whaat, bruh? Naw, I feel good! I ain’t infected! What am I infected with?
DOCTOR: COVID, the test was for COVID. You are infected. With the COVID virus.
ME: That’s some bullshit! That ain’t me! I’m good, baby! 100% Beastmode!!
DOCTOR: Sorry sir, but the tests are accurate. You are an asymptomatic COVID carrier and you are at risk of infecting others.
ME: you ain't hearing me? Beast-fuckin’-Mode!
DOCTOR: You’ll need to quarantine yourself and wear a mask more consistently, to prevent the spread of COVID.
ME: Quara-what? Mask whaaa? Masks kill people! Nobody wore a mask and lived, EVER! You want me to die? Thought you was a doctor?!
DOCTOR: MmmKay. Sir. If I may...?
1) stop being a little bitch.
2) think about others you might infect.
3) wear your fucking mask, you bitchass fucktard.
4) Where my copay at, son???
ME: It’s just a fuckin conspiracy from the MMI (mask manufacturing illuminati)…fucking masks…
DOCTOR: Oh, and the mask covers you mouth AND YOUR NOSE. Because the COVID virus is up in your nose. So cover your fucking nose, Captain Beastmode. Stethoscope droppppp!!
by Magic Brain Pills September 6, 2020