The Emperor of Canada
The Emperor of Canada is a misogynitic wife-killing, leader relatively unconcerned with the goings on inside of the violent riotous matriarchal lands of what is known of as "Canada".
It is said that he was the son of the last Emperor who built a castle in what is falsely known of as Ottawa or "Otterwa", this last Emperor being COMPLETELY oblivious and unknown to the rest of "Canada". It was said the previous Emperor was suffering from some form of schizophrenic disorder, and and may or may not have committed various violent crimes against women, starting with matricide. Noone has bothered to trace his lineage, and it is unknown who his father or grandparents were, or where he really came from.
The public finally became aware of their Emperor when he declared war on what is falsely known of as the Northwest Territories. At this time he called for all able bodied men to take up arms, to which the women of "Canada" picked up their own arms in outrage over the blatant disregard for their practice of prohibiting men from picking up weapons or moving independently.
The Emporer was, it is said intensly shocked at the ferocious matriarchal force, having had no idea of the nature of the society which he ruled. He had to retreat ironically into the very lands he had declared war on.
He was allowed a small house there and the women of the southerm area of "Canada" were content that he remain out of their lands if indeed they didn't forget about him all together for the next two months, life in "Canada" being a constant struggle to maintain wealth, status, and viability.
The people in what is known of as the Northwest Territories were largely still entirely unaware of the presence of the Emperor, except vague rumors that had it that it was merely a lame rabid dog that escaped from a medical testing facility, that probably was shot, or feeding off of people in the woods.
It was during the Emperors two month excile to what is known of as the Northwest Territories, that he began planning for a more involved government, he took, and murdered two wives during this period, and was chased out of five towns and near fatally wounded. Twice it was thought that the "defective man", as he was soon called, must have just been eaten by a rabid dog in the woods, as he would lie low for several days after being chased from a town.
It was at the end of the two months that he was approached by the Clown Death Squad who claimed to be his most loyal citizens, and promised to help him back into his castle, which was currently being used as a printing press, in between fires, and a medical testing facility trying to find a cure for rabies.
During the Emperor's excile, several rabies infected dogs escaped and disappeared, and it was discovered, and then forgotten, the evidence destroyed in a fire, that many people in "Canada" had an immunity to rabies due to frequent and long term exposure. Some were also symptomless carriers of the disease. To prevent symptoms, it was said you should drink whiskey constantly, then again it was always said to be wise to drink whiskey constantly. It was law to drink whiskey constantly.
The Emperor with the help of the Clown Death Squad took over his castle again, and an uneasy truce ensued between the emperor and the people.
It is said that he was the son of the last Emperor who built a castle in what is falsely known of as Ottawa or "Otterwa", this last Emperor being COMPLETELY oblivious and unknown to the rest of "Canada". It was said the previous Emperor was suffering from some form of schizophrenic disorder, and and may or may not have committed various violent crimes against women, starting with matricide. Noone has bothered to trace his lineage, and it is unknown who his father or grandparents were, or where he really came from.
The public finally became aware of their Emperor when he declared war on what is falsely known of as the Northwest Territories. At this time he called for all able bodied men to take up arms, to which the women of "Canada" picked up their own arms in outrage over the blatant disregard for their practice of prohibiting men from picking up weapons or moving independently.
The Emporer was, it is said intensly shocked at the ferocious matriarchal force, having had no idea of the nature of the society which he ruled. He had to retreat ironically into the very lands he had declared war on.
He was allowed a small house there and the women of the southerm area of "Canada" were content that he remain out of their lands if indeed they didn't forget about him all together for the next two months, life in "Canada" being a constant struggle to maintain wealth, status, and viability.
The people in what is known of as the Northwest Territories were largely still entirely unaware of the presence of the Emperor, except vague rumors that had it that it was merely a lame rabid dog that escaped from a medical testing facility, that probably was shot, or feeding off of people in the woods.
It was during the Emperors two month excile to what is known of as the Northwest Territories, that he began planning for a more involved government, he took, and murdered two wives during this period, and was chased out of five towns and near fatally wounded. Twice it was thought that the "defective man", as he was soon called, must have just been eaten by a rabid dog in the woods, as he would lie low for several days after being chased from a town.
It was at the end of the two months that he was approached by the Clown Death Squad who claimed to be his most loyal citizens, and promised to help him back into his castle, which was currently being used as a printing press, in between fires, and a medical testing facility trying to find a cure for rabies.
During the Emperor's excile, several rabies infected dogs escaped and disappeared, and it was discovered, and then forgotten, the evidence destroyed in a fire, that many people in "Canada" had an immunity to rabies due to frequent and long term exposure. Some were also symptomless carriers of the disease. To prevent symptoms, it was said you should drink whiskey constantly, then again it was always said to be wise to drink whiskey constantly. It was law to drink whiskey constantly.
The Emperor with the help of the Clown Death Squad took over his castle again, and an uneasy truce ensued between the emperor and the people.
The Emperor of Canada by James Dracon March 1, 2008
Get the The Emperor of Canada mug.