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A sexual act wherein a fully-clothed, typically costumed subject pulls his/her pants down and squats the exposed buttocks down into a pie and wiggles around while being observed or filmed. Commonly associated with fetishists.

Synonyms: Hoboken Squat Cobbler, Full Moon Pie, Boston Cream Splat, Simple Simon the Ass Man, Dutch Apple Ass.

Variants: Crybaby Squat Cobbler, in which the subject cries while performing the act.
Dee: "What the hell is a Squat Cobbler??"
Jay: "It's when a man sits in pie. He sits... in a pie. And he... wiggles around."
by SeamusOLanigan May 20, 2016
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An act (frequently sexual in nature) that isn't illegal but is so embarrassing that one will go to great lengths (even lying to the police) to keep it a secret. The term originated on the TV series "Better Call Saul" in reference to a specific sexual act, but may be used to describe any action that's considered embarrassing.
Detective 1: So, fully clothed Mr. Wormald by himself doing what?
Detective 2: Yeah, come on, man. What?
Jimmy McGill: sighs Squat cobbler.
Detective 1: What's a s-squat cobbler?
Jimmy McGill: Squat cobbler. You know what squat cobbler is.
Detective 1: No, I don't... I don't know what a squat cobbler is.
Detective 2: No, me neither. What is it?
Jimmy McGill: What? And you two guys are cops? Hoboken Squat Cobbler. Full Moon Moon Pie. Boston Crème Splat. Seriously? Simple Simon the Ass Man. Dutch Apple Ass. Guys, am I not speaking English here?
Detective 1: What the hell is a squat cobbler?!
Jimmy McGill: It's when a man sits in pie! He sits in a pie! And he... he wiggles around. Maybe it's like Hellman's Mayonnaise. It has a different name west of the Rockies. I don't know. But, uh, technically, he does a crybaby squat, so there's tears, which makes it more specialized. Not all pie sitters cry. But I'm gonna tell you something: This guy? He's a regular Julianne Moore once he gets the waterworks cranked up.
Detective 2: Pies? What? Like apple?
Jimmy McGill: Guys, I'm not the filmmaker here, all right? Banana cream. I... uh, peach. Oh, and there... And there is a costume involved.
Detective 1: (snorts) You've got to be shittin' us.
Jimmy McGill: Yeah, like I would make this up. Hey, the world is a rich tapestry, my friends. But trust me on this. You don't want to see it.
by Logan Hawkes July 02, 2016
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Sexual proclivity that the person(s) get aroused by sitting in a pie or person(s) getting aroused by watching someone sitting in a pie. Referenced by character Saul Goodman from the TV series "Better Call Saul".
Saul the attorney to the police officers "My client gets paid to produce a video that shows him ummmm sitting in a pie among other things" it's called Squat Cobbler.
by meaniemogg2 May 27, 2016
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A squat cobbler is someone who squats over pies (like apple and rhubarb), and rubs their buttocks over the oven warmed dessert for sexual arousal.
Some specialists opt to cry and sob whilst performing this act.
I would like to partake in Squat Cobbling to get myself off tonight.
Or
Look over there, that man's squat cobbling.

He is a Squat Cobbler.
by Jimmy MacGill June 22, 2016
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5
When a man sits in a pie, and wiggles himself around.

There are variations, such as crybaby squat which involves tears, and costume squat, where the man wears a costume of choice. There can be combinations of both, but not all pie sitters cry.

Also known as
Hoboken Squat Cobbler
Full Moon Moonpie
Boston Cream Splat
Simple Simon The Ass Man
Dutch Apple Ass
Tecnically they would be categorized as fetish videos, but nothing illegal. Just a man. A fully clothed man I might add, just all by himself. Just Mr. Wormald...Fully clothed....uh....yeah

Doing what?

Squat Cobbler
by Winchester1214 August 26, 2016
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6
A sexual fetish, similar to sploshing/food sitting/cake farts, but specifically with the use of pies.
That dude's a squat cobbler... You know.. he gets off sitting on various pies. Boston cream, Dutch Apple, lemon meringue, if it's a pie he's sitting on it and loving it.
by mediaskate648 May 27, 2016
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7
when you film a video of somebody sitting on a pie while crying
pyrce filmed a squat cobbler and happily sat on the pie for the video
by dachiever August 30, 2016
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