Springville, Utah 

A rest stop on the way to a ski resort. A random tiny, racist, mountain, two-bit, homophobic, redneck town next to Provo. There's literally nothing to do besides hanging out at the pool, which has either too much urine from the 3:30 kiddy lessons or pollution, or the poorly-planned sewage canal that runs right next to it on 900 South (I use to be a lifeguard there). The football games can be pretty fun, but only if you enjoying freezing your ass. The Mormons control the city, which isn't a bad thing, because I'm a Mormon, but my bishop was also the sheriff, which made it awkward at times.

Oh yeah, and there's no hot chicks. The cousin-to-cousin marriages have declined since the '50s, but people who have been there forever are a by-product of incestuous relationships. Everyone is of Swedish-American heritage, so all the cuisines are completely unhealthy, which explains why there a bunch of lard-asses in Springville, Utah.

Guy #1: This sucks. Springville, Utah sucks. Lets go to Provo and hang out at the mall. Maybe some easy Timpview girls will be there.

Guy #2: I concur, but the rich Timpview girls may or may not wish to wish to hang out with working class trash such as us. For the residents of Springville, Utah will forever endure the injustices of socio-economics.

Guy #1: Well, I'm hungry. I don't want to eat at the (insert Swedish-sounding surname here)sen's house again. McDonald's is probably much more healthier.

Guy #2: Yeah, you're definitely right.

Springville, Utah by YoYoMa's Love Child February 28, 2011