Shit Hand 

When you go to wipe your ass and either A) the toilet paper you've chosen to use fails resulting in shit all of your hand. B) Said toilet paper does not exist or C) Somehow shit actually finds it way onto your hand.

Also related: Poop Thumb (Which is a lessor case of above - Shit Hand)

I was in the toilet when my toilet paper ripped in half, so I have a severe case of shit hand right now.

Ever have poopthumb? Well I have shit hand, that is a whole other list of problems.

Shit Hand by BiggyBigs April 18, 2010

Shit Hand Andy

A term used to describe someone who is being or doing something retarded.

Originated from when 'Andy' was written on the outside wall of a special school in what appeared to be feces.

Omg, stop being such a shit hand andy.

What a shit hand andy thing to do.

Shit Hand Andy by xMousey March 9, 2008

shit in a hand bag 

"Shit in a hand bag" is an expression used when something unexpected happens.
Much like finding a turd inside of a pocketbook this event is of a great surprise to you.

"Shit in a hand bag! I've lost my keys again!!! Shit in a hand bag!"

shit in a hand bag by Haroldhrmph June 25, 2014

Don't shit in the hand that slaps you 

To have respect for those who control your manners, paycheck, and just plain the way you act.

Such as.... 1) don't shit in the hand that slaps you as in your parents because they slap you with that hand by controlling your existence. 2) don't shit in the hand that slaps you as in your boss or supervisor because they control raises at review time and promotional futures. 3) don't shit in the hand that slaps you if of your wife or girlfriend because, well, we all know what she does with that hand don't we?

Don't shit in the hand that slaps you by OverHung October 31, 2011

shit in your hand 

to inconvenience someone

I don't mean to shit in your hand, but could you stop and buy some milk on your way home from work.

shit in your hand by thenipplehound November 19, 2011

Shit in your hand and clap 

A phrase that displays disdain, anger or frustration.

Scout from Team Fortress 2: What the hell is you guys' problem?!
Some guy: Shit in your hand and clap.
Scout from Team Fortress 2: But then I'll have shit in TWO hands!

Shit in your hand and clap by ChickenBiscuits27 January 22, 2024

Nothing in one hand and shit in the other

Neither of your two options are good. But one is just plain out shitty.

Jimmy: Unemployed David has a job offer for only $5hr.
Billy: Well he’s got nothing in one hand and shit in the other.

Nothing in one hand and shit in the other by Juice delhagen April 28, 2022