Millennial Tan 

Similar to a truckers tan on one forearm only, A Millennial Tan is defined by a rectangular paleness on one side of the face. The visible pale shape caused by non-stop cell phone use while stranded on a beach, Jet Ski, boat, family outing, or ski slope. In rare cases having locked yourself outside your parents house during daytime hours while braving situations that then forced sun exposure to ones face while foraging for slushies and dried up pizza sticks found only at QuickyMarts. In those cases, Millennials are advised to move quickly while taking calls as their pasty skin can unpale quickly after no exposure to the sun for weeks. Doctors are currently awaiting FDA approval for promising treatment options that use special tanning booths to project UV patterns of popular device brands that can restore color to the spot where the phone became stuck to until it's battery exhausted. For now though a home remedy is available by tracing the case of your phone over the sleeve that your Hot Pocket came in, cut out the marked area with safety scissors (remember not to run or put them in your mouth ever), next locate any spray paint can which best matches your skin color and aligns the stencil against the visible pale area on your cheek. A few spray blasts should get you back online and dating again unless you were actually seeking real sex, in which case we suggest staying indoors for two weeks to allow rest of the face to return to it's original paleness.

Damn boy look at that Millennial Tan line you be sporting now, What ya just get the new Galaxy Note 7? Grow some sideburns Chief Fail face if your gonna be packing that Phablet around during daytime hours fool.

Millennial Tan by Tydog July 23, 2019