P1: whoa!! What is that putrid smell? Don't you smell that?
P2: yeah, sorry my stomach is doing weird things from that big glass of whole milk I had.
P1: what the heck, aren't you lactose intolerant?
P2: yeah, sorry.
P1: lactard.

I've been jabbed

"Would you like a piece of cheese cake, Chan?"
"No way Mioshi, I'm a lactard!"

"How about we serve kugels and blintzes?"
"Um, I'm pretty sure Nikki's a vegan and Padma's pretty lactarded. It's probably not a good idea. How about latkes and knishes?"

Person 1: "Uh, why is that girl drinking soymilk?"
Person 2: "Because she's a LACTARD".
Person 1: "HA HA!"

"Babu do you want to get some ice cream?" "Sorry Jasminda, I cant eat ice cream - Im a lactard."

"Meg, just take a sip of this milk"
"I already told you, I can't, I'm a lactard"

When I eat dairy it explodes out of my ass. I am a Lactard