"Who are those modestly dressed, heavily medicated sad chicks littering in our laundry room?" "Oh, those are some Jehovah's Witnesses."
by holdmedownonthepantysty August 26, 2013
A group of annoying assholes that travel in pairs to try to spread the 'word of god' to their unsuspecting victims. Hard to get rid of.
Go away, you Jehovah's Witnesses!
by A Transsexual Woman March 31, 2008
Jehovah's Witnesses are a strict form of Christianity, almost so strict that, like Mormonism, many people do not consider them Christians. They believe:
- There is no Trinity, God is a single "thing" who does not everything and is not everywhere.
- God created the universe 42,000 years ago.
- Jesus is actually the archangel Michael in human-form, and not God himself. He died for our sins, but not the sins of Adam.
- A good amount of them seem to believe that the rest of Christianity is influenced by Satan.
- Witnesses attend five meetings a week to study the Watchtower and their version of the Bible. You cannot be baptized until you have studied their material for six months answer questions before a panel of elders.
- They do not vote, salute the flag, sing the "Star Spangled Banner," celebrate birthdays or Christmas (with presents and the like, anyway), won't take blood transfusions, and won't join the armed forces.
- Door-to-door canvassing is required where they distribute the Watchtower literature, acquire donations, and forward all monies to the headquarters in Brooklyn, New York.
- If one ever leaves or is kicked out of the faith, they are disowned from any members of Witnesses, including all close family. If one does something that the Witnesses do not approve of, they are sent to a veritable "time out" where they are not allowed to speak to any other Witness until they atone for their wrongdoing.
- The Witnesses have had scandals similar to the Catholic Church child molestion cases, where they have shuffled child molestors around without notifying the police, or anyone else, for that matter.
- There is no Trinity, God is a single "thing" who does not everything and is not everywhere.
- God created the universe 42,000 years ago.
- Jesus is actually the archangel Michael in human-form, and not God himself. He died for our sins, but not the sins of Adam.
- A good amount of them seem to believe that the rest of Christianity is influenced by Satan.
- Witnesses attend five meetings a week to study the Watchtower and their version of the Bible. You cannot be baptized until you have studied their material for six months answer questions before a panel of elders.
- They do not vote, salute the flag, sing the "Star Spangled Banner," celebrate birthdays or Christmas (with presents and the like, anyway), won't take blood transfusions, and won't join the armed forces.
- Door-to-door canvassing is required where they distribute the Watchtower literature, acquire donations, and forward all monies to the headquarters in Brooklyn, New York.
- If one ever leaves or is kicked out of the faith, they are disowned from any members of Witnesses, including all close family. If one does something that the Witnesses do not approve of, they are sent to a veritable "time out" where they are not allowed to speak to any other Witness until they atone for their wrongdoing.
- The Witnesses have had scandals similar to the Catholic Church child molestion cases, where they have shuffled child molestors around without notifying the police, or anyone else, for that matter.
Jehovah's Witness, on the whole, are good people, and often misjudged. They were well known in WW2 for rescuing many Jews from Concentration Camps, and being one of the few groups who initially took a stand against Hitler.
by JZ June 16, 2004
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Ive been brought up as a Jehovahs witness my entire life and in that time I have come to treasure their teachings and the way in which they follow the bible and unitedly interpret it in the way Jehovah god intended. Why would god inspire the bible for mankind to understand and give us the intellectual capacity to do so if its all a mystery, not to be fully understood?
I am in my early 20s and although left the faith to experience the world indulging into sex, drugs n' rock n' roll, I soon came to find nothing in the world but the fact I once followed Jehovahs witnesses gave me a sense of purpose or self actualization. In the time I left the faith I concentrated my time looking into other beliefs, both in christianity and new religious movements, also buddism, hidusim and paganism. By careful critisim I found too many inconsistences with their practices and belief systems as they were all very lax and believed in self directecd interpretations as opposed to all unitedly agreeing. Jehovahs witnesses are the only religion that worships Jehovah as oposed to only exonerating Jesus, gods son. They do not believe in the trinity but one god Jehovah; Jesus as his son and Jehovahs Holy spirit. Not that all three are one! They do not believe in Hell as that is NOT a bible teaching but a man made doctrine, AS IS THE TRINITY, as I found in extensive research over the past years. They believe in a paradise on earth and as the bible reads, only 144,000 will rule in heaven with jesus, not everyone that dies goes to heaven, just that annointed number of people; which is also clearly outlined in the bible.
I am in my early 20s and although left the faith to experience the world indulging into sex, drugs n' rock n' roll, I soon came to find nothing in the world but the fact I once followed Jehovahs witnesses gave me a sense of purpose or self actualization. In the time I left the faith I concentrated my time looking into other beliefs, both in christianity and new religious movements, also buddism, hidusim and paganism. By careful critisim I found too many inconsistences with their practices and belief systems as they were all very lax and believed in self directecd interpretations as opposed to all unitedly agreeing. Jehovahs witnesses are the only religion that worships Jehovah as oposed to only exonerating Jesus, gods son. They do not believe in the trinity but one god Jehovah; Jesus as his son and Jehovahs Holy spirit. Not that all three are one! They do not believe in Hell as that is NOT a bible teaching but a man made doctrine, AS IS THE TRINITY, as I found in extensive research over the past years. They believe in a paradise on earth and as the bible reads, only 144,000 will rule in heaven with jesus, not everyone that dies goes to heaven, just that annointed number of people; which is also clearly outlined in the bible.
I without doubt understand and acknowledge that some unaware of the true teachings and beliefs of the Jehovah's Witnesses are more than hesitant to listen or respect their beliefs; and that is fine, all they want to do is share their truths with you, volunteerally I might add, so that everyone they reach can come to an "accurate knowledge of the truth" and Jehovah the Almighty.
Gosh Ive rambled on, but I for myself have chosen to become a Jehovahs Witness because they can accurately answer from the bible any questions I have and I genuinely believe Jehovah is the one and only true God of whom we should worship. However I sincerely respect those who have different belief systems as we all have the 'free will' to choose our paths whether crooked or straight.
"Jehovah is my god to time indefinite, even forever"
Gosh Ive rambled on, but I for myself have chosen to become a Jehovahs Witness because they can accurately answer from the bible any questions I have and I genuinely believe Jehovah is the one and only true God of whom we should worship. However I sincerely respect those who have different belief systems as we all have the 'free will' to choose our paths whether crooked or straight.
"Jehovah is my god to time indefinite, even forever"
by L-Jay October 9, 2006
by Manny90 August 16, 2010
a CRAZY religion that doesn't believe in the trinity..these crazy people believe in letting their own kids or other relatives DIE instead of getting a medically necessary blood transfusion..if you are caught doing something they don't agree with, you get kicked out of the cult..
by Mrs L February 22, 2010