Impossible Conclusion Fallacy

The opposite of jumping to conclusions—accusing someone of "jumping to conclusions" or "hasty generalization" while demanding impossible standards of proof, pushing the needed conclusion into the realm of deductive certainty where none is possible. The fallacy lies in requiring conclusions to meet standards that no real-world conclusion can meet, then dismissing any conclusion that falls short. It's skepticism weaponized as impossibility: demanding mathematical proof for historical claims, controlled experiments for social phenomena, or absolute certainty for probabilistic judgments. The impossible standard ensures no conclusion can ever be reached, which is exactly the point.

"The evidence strongly suggests the policy failed. Response: 'You're jumping to conclusions—you haven't proven it with absolute certainty.' That's Impossible Conclusion Fallacy—demanding certainty where only probability exists. The standard is impossible, so the conclusion is always 'premature.' It's not about rigor; it's about never having to agree."

Impossible Conclusion Fallacy by Dumu The Void March 3, 2026

Fallacy of Impossible Conclusions

The rhetorical trap of demanding that your opponent reach a conclusion with a level of certainty, completeness, or finality that is literally unattainable in any human discourse. It's the opposite of jumping to conclusions—instead of accepting flimsy evidence as sufficient, it rejects all evidence as insufficient unless it meets impossible standards. In online debates, this fallacy appears when someone demands "absolute proof" of a historical event, "100% certainty" about a scientific finding, or "complete information" before any conclusion can be drawn. The goal isn't to find truth but to create an epistemic black hole where no conclusion can ever escape. It's a metafallacy because it abuses the legitimate principle of "don't jump to conclusions" to justify never concluding anything at all.

Example: "He demanded I provide every single vote count from the 1876 election before I could claim it was contested—a perfect Fallacy of Impossible Conclusions designed to make historical consensus forever unreachable."

Fallacy of Impossible Conclusions by Dumu The Void March 11, 2026

jerb 

well known from south park
rednecks get angrry that future folk took there jobs so they yell
They took ouare jerbs!

Them future folk took ouare jerbs!

jerb by Jimberley Kim April 7, 2005

Cheeks 

An Irish phrase meaning shit, derived from ass
(Not to be confused with the literal description of one's buttocks)

"Did you hear the song Aylek$ dropped?"
"Hardly. Her music is absolute cheeks."

"My boyfriend say LaFlame is cheeks."
"Tell your boyfriend I said it's his mixtape that's cheeks."

Cheeks by thecartisan April 26, 2020

sans sheriff 

Lawless use of fonts or typography, with no regard to aesthetics or legibility

I'm putting this CV straight in the bin. Written totally sans sheriff.

sans sheriff by Jamarley July 3, 2019

Breadhead 

Someone who is addicted to obtaining money and building wealth. A money addict and fanatic. Breadheads often work more than one full-time job, and some even participate in illicit activities to "obtain the bread".

A breadhead is like a crackhead, but for money instead of crack.

Breadhead by 🅱️ U S 3 4 8 March 30, 2022

Stink lines

As seen in illustrations or cartoons: Wavy, vertical lines rising above a person, place or thing. Denotes a foul odor.

"You didn't put enough stink lines on your picture of the teacher."

Stink lines by Athene Airheart March 14, 2004