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The most idiotic, stupidest, craziest, most uniquely queer species to ever roam the face of earth, possessing the strangest origin story in the galaxy. In the start, humans were mildly stupid, lived in caves with optimus prime and his gang of dinosaurs. One day, a curious human (named the manly name of Chuck)decided it would be great it he just cut off a whole thick layer of fur because he thought it made him look like a fag. Then all his friends saw him and they were like, wydwyl. He explained but they freakin laughed at him and then told optimus prime what their friend had done. optimus was furious so he sent his army of dinosaurs to find Chuck and eat his spleen. But as you know, Chuck Norris didn't back down and made himself a coat of dino skins later(that's why dinosaurs are extinct). Now after this optimus prime was very mad so he climbed out of his stupid little hole in a cliff and set off to hunt down Chuck. now Chuck was a very smart guy-he knew about bear grylls before he was even born into existence, so he got to high ground and drank his own piss to rehydrate. When optimus finaly apeared it was already sunset and chuck was ready to face him without a warning, optimus prime began to run at chuck norris at lightspeed, but Chuck was faster. he pulled out a Michael bay movie DVD and stuffed optimus prime into the small disk. And that is how we came to be the humans we are today.
by Don't Look Into Their Eyes December 21, 2016