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Teaching Crabs How To Read 

Verb,

1. The action of teaching crabs how to read

2. The process by which crustaceans are made literate,

Both of these are considered Forbidden Knowledge of the highest order, and must never be spoken of, outside of complete secrecy. Many a fine man has fallen to the curiosity of teaching literacy to crabs, and have been executed or imprisoned- or worse- for their crimes.

Teaching crabs how to read is a gateway crime, in the ancient days, many of the most infamous dark lords used literate crabs as minions, for it allowed them to use more powerful and complex methods to expand their dominion over our small realm. In the darkest of days, crabs as big as houses would be sent in droves to raze cities, Whole countries were brought to their knees by the terrors wrought by the dark lords and their armies.

The last of the Literate Ones, as they are known by Crabfolk, was slain in AD 1356.

Ever since, the Crabfolk have lived in harmony with humankind.
Billy got burned at the stake for heresy!
I heard he was teaching crabs how to read!

Whaddup I'm Jared I'm 19 and I never fucking learned how to read 

Whaddup I'm Jared I'm 19 and I never fucking learned how to read is a vine reference used by nostalgic people who miss vine
"Hey could you read page 21 for the class?"
"No I can not WHADDUP I'M JARED I'M 19 AND I NEVER FUCKING LEARNED HOW TO READ

a book on how to read

A VERY useless item, the most useless item
Human one: Human two is like a book on how to read
Human two: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME YOU LITTLE SHIT

the center for kids who cant read good and want to learn how to do other stuff good too 

a place to help kids

owned by: Derek Zoolander
MUGATU: i present to you... THE DEREK ZOOLANDER CENTER FOR KIDS WHO CAN'T READ GOOD! (unveils a model of the center for kids who cant read good and want to learn how to do other stuff good too)

DEREK: ..what is this?! a center for ants?!?! how can we be expected to teach children how to read if they can't even fit inside the building?!