Crackhead Nick
A mythical figure, often found lurking near underpasses, abandoned lots, or your high school hangout spot, whose presence is heralded by the communal whisper, "Oh no, it's Crackhead Nick!"
A walking ATM of poor financial decisions, Crackhead Nick possesses the unique superpower of being able to acquire goods (specifically, weed) without the cumbersome burden of payment. He is universally known for never having $5 but constantly being on the hunt for a "fiver of green."
The ultimate low-budget hitman, he is notorious for offering his specialized service: "I'll bottle someone for you for $5." This offer is almost always declined, as most people agree that the resulting legal trouble isn't worth saving $5.
A gravity well of awkwardness and fear, his appearance is a test of courage. You're too afraid to stay, but you're even more afraid of the ensuing chase if you try to run.
A walking ATM of poor financial decisions, Crackhead Nick possesses the unique superpower of being able to acquire goods (specifically, weed) without the cumbersome burden of payment. He is universally known for never having $5 but constantly being on the hunt for a "fiver of green."
The ultimate low-budget hitman, he is notorious for offering his specialized service: "I'll bottle someone for you for $5." This offer is almost always declined, as most people agree that the resulting legal trouble isn't worth saving $5.
A gravity well of awkwardness and fear, his appearance is a test of courage. You're too afraid to stay, but you're even more afraid of the ensuing chase if you try to run.
Dude, we were smoking under the bridge when someone yelled, 'Heads up! Crackhead Nick!' My man tried to buy my last blunt and offered to bottle the meter maid for me. I just stared straight ahead until he left.
Crackhead Nick by Lemmithy October 29, 2025
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