carpenter

A man who has wood and does things with it. Carpenters use their tools for such purposes as screwing, drilling, and reaming. Rubbing and sawing away at old logs are also common activities. Nailing, while definitely an important part of carpentry, is not nearly as good as screwing. Carpenters also often get glue all over their wood.
While carpentry is an important and serious subject - after all, without it, we wouldn't have such things as chairs, desks, tables and doors - the terminology of carpentry is fraught with opportunities to make crass sexual innuendos.
Carpenters themselves, of which I am one, exploit these opportunities whenever possible.
Jesus was a famous carpenter, but all the jokes were removed by po-faced editors when he wrote The Bible.

Drilling, screwing, nailing, reaming, rubbing - all things done by a carpenter.

by Tony Prescott September 29, 2006

the carpenter

when you bang a girl using a 4x4 as a strap-on

the carpenter hurts like hell I have a splinter in my ass

by adrain barboza April 2, 2019

carpenter

Someone who has a hammer, aka a big dick.

Girl 1: Dan is such a carpenter
Girl 2: Why is that?
Girl 1: He has a hammer!
Girl 2: A hammer?
Girl 1: Yeah, a big dick!!

by dudebrochillz May 21, 2011

The Carpenter

the act of wrapping sandpaper around your Penis and having sex with a woman

after i used the carpenter she was smooth as a pebble

by 07 Sr. Mens Swim November 28, 2007

Carpenter

A person who is a problem solver for a high class crime family, usually fixing said problems with the problem disappearing without a trace.

The carpenter mad Johnny the rat disappear.

by Stacy the Face February 28, 2011

Carpenter

A carpenter is a legit, badass, problem solving, beer drinking, tang slaying, beast of a man!

Mary: man my dude is a pussy!
Mary’s friend: bitch you shoulda got you a carpenter! My man is the shit. Fixes everything and smashes like a beast!
Mary: well gotta Ditch this electrician!

by Bwahaha26 June 12, 2018

carpentize

The poorest attempt to convert a noun into a verb, done typically by those who have little understanding of the actual processes of Carpentry. Often this word is an attempt to replace the term Sanding or an attempt to shorten a seemingly long descriptive phrase of the crafting of products through the use of wood.

Ignorant Man: "I THINK I SHOULD CARPENTIZE TODAY."
Educated Worker: "Shut up noob."

by Themanmann March 20, 2011