Man 1: “I have a date tonight and there’s no way I’m going to be able to perform”
Man 2: “Why not?”
Man 1: “Bro, she’s a wrestler and I’m afraid I’m going to get armadillo dick.”
A obscure sexual move popularized by repeated viewings of the 1986 film "Labyrinth". It entails dressing up as David Bowie's character Jareth, from the film, and attaching brown dildos (length must exceed 7 inches but be no longer than 13) to the articulatio radiocarpea of both arms. While penetrating both the anus and vagina, "Jareth" must sing "Magic Dance" with the receiving partner singing the goblins' parts. If available, cocaine (slime and snails or puppy dogs' tails are popular substitutes) should be snorted off the lower back of the receiver. This second act is, of course, referred to as a "Lady Stardust".
Nathan: Hey what'd you get Aniston for her birthday?
A dusty armadillo is performed by having doggy style sex (vaginal or anal) and, at the crescendo of the performance, dump some talcum powder on the girl's head and call out, "Dusty Armadillo," and punch her in the back of the head.
"Man, I was plowing away on that girl and gave her a dusty armadillo. I couldn't see for like ten minutes, that shit went everywhere"
After sex when the female falls asleep, shave her head bald and masterbate, ejaculating all over her bald head. Then shave off your pubic hair and stick it on her head with the man glue. Inspired by the great Cody Ward.