Autofellatio

The act of a man in puberty or older fellating, or sucking, his own penis as a form of masturbation. Another term for this is selfsuck. It feels amazing and tastes really good, trust me. Unfortunately only a small percentage of the population has the combined dick size and flexibility required to be able to do this.

I am in the low percentage who can do autofellatio on will. First, take off all your clothes, including pants and shirt and lay onto a soft surface like a bed. Then roll your legs up and behind your head. Keep at least part of your back or shoulders on the bed. Start stroking your penis and stretch your head as close as possible. Keep stroking until it is hard, and touch it with your mouth. Seal the head of the cock in your lips, and lick the skin around it with your tongue. Push the cock further in your mouth while licking it and occasionally sucking it. Do it slowly at first but gradually go faster over time. When you are about to cum, go as quickly as possible and let yourself nut in your mouth. Feel and taste the warm semen being pumped on your tongue, and swallow every drop of it. A great way to relieve your sexual stress with no required cleanup that allows you to perceive both perspectives at the same time. That is autofellatio.

by WhoDatFreshBoi May 7, 2019

Autointervention

To bring to light an addiction of automobiles.

To bring together family and friends to help a car addicted person see that they have too many cars.

Hey dude, you live alone, you have a two car garage and you have 5 cars! And you tell me that you are looking for another Hummer!

Dude you need an autointervention!!

by BobNJ July 15, 2010

Autoeroticism

Self stimulation. Having a date with Mrs. Palmer and her 5 slut daughters, Auditioning the hand puppet, Badgering the witness, Bashing the bishop, Beating the shit out of your incapacitated midget, Beating the snotty end of my fuck stick, Blueball baseball, Calling down for more Mayo, Calling in the National Guard to assist you in a strategic crisis, Caping the crusader, Cheating on your other hand, Checking the plumbing, Choking the chicken, Tossing off, Trolling for the one-eyed walleye, Performing the tube sock tango, Wanking the white, Warming up the altar boy's dinner, White-water wristing etc. etc.

I've got nothing better to do with my time so I practice autoeroticism for hours on end.

by Wankerrrrrrz September 26, 2006

autosexual

sexual orientation toward oneself; that is, preferring self-gratification over other forms of sexual activity. Often occurs as a result of numerous failed attempts at interpersonal relationships, leading the individual to make a conscious choice to become autosexual rather than face disappointment and frustration yet again.

May be observed with greater frequency in the near future as a result of the "Metrosexual Backlash," due to NO ONE being able to even BEGIN to guess the orientation of attractive, well-dressed males anymore!!

Numerous advantages to autosexuality include:

- no risk of pregnancy
- no risk of STD's being transmitted
- able to 'get lucky' every time at the bar or club
- the sex is always good
- no relationship issues like jealousy or cheating partner

... need I say more?

I mean, are there ANY bad things about it?

"God love 'em, but those damn metrosexuals have really fucked up my game to the point where I've decided it's way better to just be autosexual!"

by brooklyn516 August 17, 2004

Autofellatio

Autofellatio is a form of male masturbation where the male bends in half to suck his own penis. There is a few different positions. The "C" position in which he sits in a chair and with his hands under his legs, pulls himself up to suck himself. The "Backwards C" position is where lying on his back, he bends backwards and "walks" down the wall behind him to reach himself. The hardest of all is the "X" position. The autofellatior locks his feet behind his head to reach his penis. The "fact" that less than 1 percent of men can accomplish this is WRONG. The reason it is so low a number is that most men who were asked if they can said no, even though they can, out of embarrasment. Recent studies show that it has gone from 1 percent to 3 or 5 percent in the last decade. More men or comfortable with themselves to admit it. You do not have to be well-endowed, (have a big penis) to enjoy autofellatio, although it does help. It all depends on how flexible you are.

The man bent over to perform autofellatio.

by Skaterpunk6207 August 5, 2007

Autobahn

1. "Autobahn" is the German word for motorway, the road system found in Germany, Austria and Switzerland. Though there is no official speed limit, there is a recommended one, which is of about 130 km/h (80 mph). In Germany, the official name for the autobahn is Bundesautobahn, or, when translated into English, Federal Motorway. Autobahns are maintained by the federal government. Orginally called Reichsautobahn (Imperial Motorway), the first Autobahn was completed in 1931, a road between Cologne and Bonn.

2. "Autobahn" is a song by the German band Kraftwerk, composed in 1974 by Florian Scheider and Ralf Hütter, with Emil Schult collaborating on the lyrics. The original version of Autobahn is over 22 minutes long, but was editted down to 4 when it entered the Top 40 charts in the USA and other countries. The original song can be found on Kraftwerk's album, Autobahn.

1. "I am driving down the Autobahn, going 90 mph."
2. "Die Fahrbahn ist ein graues Band, Weisse Streifen, gruener Rand."

by Ulla August 2, 2007

Autocorrect

Something you'd notice in almost every awesome phones you see in the media, such as the HTC and the iPhone.

Autocorrect is good, but sometimes, shit hits the fan whenever you text. Sometimes, you type in "bigg," then it autocorrects it into "bug." So, say that a man was gonna text his friend "I like bigg butts and I cannot lie!" When he sends it, it gets autocorrected and turns into "I like bug butts and I cannot lie!" Then there's some funny convo between the recipient and the sender.

In a text convo...

Micheal: god, so damn thirsty
Jenna: yesterday @ the mall u should've taken the $$$ i was gonna give u out my pussy
Jenna: oh shit, i meant purse
Micheal: LMAOOO
Jenna: damn you autocorrect

by XClausoX July 2, 2012