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Mansion Wipes

A roll of full-priced, premium-brand paper towels used to wipe down surfaces in your mansion of messes created by lavish cooking, partying, or other deliberately reckless and pretentious behavior. Can also be conspicuously consumed in other ways- as long as they are used with complete disregard to their cost.
Hey! Pass me the roll of mansion wipes (instead of a dish towel or other economically responsible means of drying something) so I can wipe all of this Don Julio, Champagne, shrimp cocktail, and steak residue off the marble counter tops! Who cares how many we use, there are always more!!!
by Danny Trupin April 12, 2017
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one wiper

when you take a dump and are able to cleanly leave the toilet after only one butt wipe. Technically a "no-wiper" because the one wipe was just a confidence check. Living on the wild side would be rolling the dice and not wiping at all.
I was upset when I had to poop after I just took a shower, but I was less irritated when it turned out to be a one wiper.
by Merterer December 5, 2012
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Related Words

on faith no wiper

A bowel movement that is so solid and so smooth that you have the utmost confidence that it did not leave any remnants in your crack.... thus leaving you to assume that wiping would merely be a waste of time.
My poop was so great that I chalked it up as an on faith no wiper. Boy was I wrong, I should have wiped. Lucky for me I was wearing brown underwear.
by wordman55 September 3, 2013
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10 Wiper

The number of wipes to rid ones ass after a nasty shit. Usually follows the day after consuming large amounts of beer (also know as beer shits).
1. I ate some Taco Bell last night and it gave me a 10 wiper.

2. What took you so long in the bathroom?

I just had a 10 wiper
by DB in MO October 19, 2008
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Ghost wipes

The rare phenomenon that when one wipes their butt after pooping, delightfully finds that there is no trace/streak of poop on the toilet paper resulting in a care free poop session and heightened feeling of self cleanliness.
"Yo dude I gotta blast a serious dookie right now, and unless i get ghost wipes, im guna need another roll of the poopoo paper."
by Soul Rebel January 21, 2009
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Wipeless shit

A crap that comes out so hard or huge that it requires no wiping.
"I wiped my ass after dropping a blue ribbion log and saw that I didn't even need to wipe. I just love a wipeless shit".
by nuttinbettr2do October 19, 2008
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Breathin' Piper No Wiper

A poop log that has been launched deep into the pipe, but is so long that the other end sticks out the top of the toilet pool, as if it was breathing. Additionally, it leaves behind no residue for the pooper to wipe.
"Ma'am, I'm going to need to use your poop knife; we've got a breathin' piper no wiper situation in there."
by thelonious3 October 20, 2019
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