Turtle Belt

An elastic band (or other improvised object) used to close off the end of an uncircumcised penis at the point of ejaculation in order to quickly and cleanly move from your location.

I had to grab a turtle belt and run to the bathroom so I didn't stain the new couch.

by Redh00d4 January 19, 2018

turtle head

When a dick is so small, that it appears it to look like a turtles head poking out of its shell.

Boy 1: Man, my balls are really cold right now.

Boy 2: Yeah, same. I hate when I a get turtle head

by MedicatedSloth July 14, 2022

Turtle Head

When you get home after a long day needing to take a gargantuan shit and so you run to the toilet and knock over your kid in the hallway and slam the bathroom door shut and wait for that sweet sweet moment when you gloriously defecate all over the bathroom but instead end up straining your asscheeks for an hour only for a tiny ass piece of shit to slightly poke its way out of your asshole. That piece of shit is called a turtle head and know you have to choose to behead your turtle either by straining your asscheeks closed or pulling the piece of shit out with your fingers and now your hand smells of ass and your kid is crying in the hallway and you still have to make dinner and oh fuck why am I still alive

Mom: Jimothy, alight from your dwelling in order to receive nutrition handcrafted by your own mother.
Jimothy, tearfully: Mother, how I wish to fulfill that which you have requested of me! But alas, I am unable to, for I am stuck in the predicament of having to deal with a Turtle Head!
Mother, wailing: Jimothy, my dear beloved son! How I weep for you! How I mourn! That you should have to deal with such an ordeal! I am so deeply sorry, but alas, am unable to help.

by BaddSpelur October 31, 2019

turtle head

turtle head is a phenomenon when you have a dookie so large it peeks out the anus. referring to a scared turtle

dude can you hurry in the bathroom i have major turtle head.

by All america bitch December 24, 2018

turtle blaster

The act of an individual stuffing green and black jellybeans up their arse, followed by squatting down and pushing them out. The action resembles Turtles being blasted out of their bum.

-“Yo bro, I saw Alex the other day doing a Turtle Blaster..“
-“No way, with the green and black jellybeans?”
-“Yea”

by JellyBeanBlasterAlex April 14, 2020

Wang turtle

A penis that has an abnormally tough outer skin. Also known as a chode.

"O. yeah let get in there...."said the man "Ow did you put it in yet..." says the girl "yeah it feels so good doesn't it!" "Um... maybe on your end i'm not feeling anything on this end..."

later that night...

"Yeah i was with this guy Nick Motta earlier he has such a wang turtle..."

by Motta101 August 15, 2011

The Turtle's Kiss

When a man manufactures a dump so perfect that as it glides over his prostate it causes mild to moderate sexual release.

Bill: "Hey Steve. I did a huge dump this morning which was so perfect that I almost had a orgasm"
Steve: "ah, I see you have experienced the majesty of The Turtle's Kiss"

by Souper Rare April 28, 2022